Yoda makes no sense

There are SO very many things about these movies that make absolutely no sense, which is very frustrating, considering this is the best movie of the whole franchise.

Yoda mentions how he has trained Jedi for 800 years. How does this make any sense?

First, does an actual Jedi still need training? Wouldn't he RATHER have taught people that are NOT Jedi yet, so they can become Jedi? Remember how often we hear 'You are not a Jedi yet'-type of rhetoric in these movies. It seems the training actually ends when you become a Jedi, if not sooner. So how did he train exactly JEDI instead of 'people trying/wanting to become Jedi'?

Second, 800 years... of what planet, exactly? There are billions upon billions of planets in the Universe, probably even in this movie's Universe. Each planet has its own rotation and orbit around the sun of its solar system. Heck, even planets in the same solar system have different years, days, minutes, seconds and hours. Not to mention months.

Granted, people can define those things in any way they want, but Yoda does mention 'years', so we seem to have a Universally-used planetary orbital word here.

Did Yoda train all the Jedi (not Jedi trainees, but actual Jedi, sigh) on Dagobah? Every single one? Yoda never left this planet to train them elsewhere, so we are stuck with Dagobah years? That would make some kind of sense, I suppose (of course some other movies destroy this kind of thinking instantly).

It could be that Yoda thinks in a narrow, selfish, non-Universal way (curious for a MASTER of anything involving control of self, these Zenlike lessons and deeper understanding of reality than is even common in our modern 2025 Earth). Yoda can't fathom any other planets than Dagobah, so he simply says 'years' instead of 'Dagobah years' or 'Hoth years' or 'Universally-Agreed-Upon-Definition-Years'.

What are the other explanations? How long is a 'year' in the Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back-universe, did everyone simply agree upon a singular definition of that word? It can't be Earth years, because that planet doesn't even exist in these movies, or if it does, it will be in the future, and in a galaxy that's very far away (I think 'far, far' has the same meaning as 'very far').

So how long is Yoda's '800 years' compared to Earth's '800 years'? How do we calculate that? Why doesn't Yoda say 'Dagobah years' or use some other time unit? Why does he assume Luke knows exactly what planet's years he is talking about? Why doesn't anything make any sense in any movie?

Third, 'size envy'. How can someone like Yoda have size envy? He talks about Luke becoming so big eating food of 'this kind'.

There is SO much to unpack in such a tiny scene.

Why would Yoda care about size, about how 'big' someone is, when he preaches later so much about size not mattering? Is it just to compensate for his small physical stature? But why would THAT matter, when he also preaches about us NOT being the physical matter, but being luminous beings (actually true, by the way)?

So we're luminous beings and size doesn't matter, but Yoda bitterly exclaims how someone can become so big eating certain type of food.

There's the matter of not realizing that Luke PROBABLY didn't eat THAT exact food his formative years, or all of his life. He probably ate completely different kind of food as a baby, toddler, kid, teen and young adult. But Yoda can't fathom that?

Of course then we can also realize that since Yoda considers the truth about us being the luminous beings that just temporarily reside in a body of physical matter, why would he even think Luke _IS_ big, when only his BODY, the crude matter we ARE NOT (and thus Luke is NOT), is big?

So from Yoda's perspective, he should NOT consider Luke as being big, only Luke's physical, crude-matter BODY to be big. He should've said so, but nope, instead, he thinks Luke is somehow big, just because his crude-matter body is big. THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

I realize he's basically goofing around and playing a 'role' of sorts (Zen masters often do this type of crazy stuff, but I still think Yoda goes weirdly far with his materialistic obsession about a crappy flashlight considering the things he knows, has seen, owned, used, piloted or whatever, and how he knows about the luminous side, himself ALSO being 'light'), but still.

It seems like Yoda is schizophrenic (in its original meaning), and thus has multiple personalities. This crazy, goofy, ignorant materialistic, obsessive lunatic, and this calm, collected, all-knowing, enlightened Zen Jedi Master.

I mean, is that flashlight-fight and giving false impression about his worldview about physical body vs. being of light really NECESSARY to fool Luke into thinking he's not Yoda? It's like making sure Terminators have 'bad breath', Skynet also seems to be a few screws loose in the head. Not that it probably even has a 'head', but you know what I mean.

The more you watch movies, the less things seem to make sense in them.