100 Things I learned while watching Zombie.
1. When a zombie is pulling you towards an object that will pierce your eyeball, never close your eye, never tilt or turn your head away from the object, and NEVER reach up to push the object away from your eye.
2. When going scuba diving, it's best to go topless.
3. Bolt action rifles can be fired without using the bolt, and are just as fast as a semiautomatic rifle.
4. The coast guard is the same as an NYPD cop, and, when they return boats to harbor, they get a good cut from some unknown source.
5. If an overweight zombie is biting your neck, don't bother pushing him off or fighting back, just turn your head to the side to make your neck easy pick'inz.
6. When you hit a dead body crossing the road, instead of stopping to see if you hit a person or a zombie, cut hard right and floor it into a tree which will smash the radiator "somehow", while still leaving the grill and hood in perfect condition.
7. After seeing another human being being eaten by zombies, the best thing to do is lay down on some palm leaves, contemplate not making it back to NY, have a makeout session with some guy you hardly know, and then let a zombie grab your hair and just lay there.
8. After discovering that the dead are returning to life, the best thing one could do is remain in a conquistadores graveyard.
9. The Spanish aren't good at burying their dead. They only have the bodies covered with about 4" of VERY LOOSE soil.
10. Worms will still be hanging out in corpses eye sockets after roughly 100 or so years.
11. Cristobal Alonzo was buried there.
12. Susan, the brunette with curly hair had an ugly lid.
13. When your gf/wife dies, just move on, because she really doesn't mean that much in the long run.
14. When colliding with a tree, the only injury will be to the guy in the back seat who hurt his ankle, because if anything would get injured when running a vehicle into a tree, it's an ankle.
15. 100 year old corpses can still have fresh cuts.
16. If a zombie bites your face, you die within 10 seconds, even though it's only a flesh wound.
17. The normal reaction for a nurse who sees someone with a wound from a zombie is to stand with her back against a wall and just scream, because it makes no sense to run into the room where the other people in your group have guns. Also, getting a nipple erection in a white t-shirt is a must.
18. It only makes sesne that if the nurse sees a zombie and stands still, that the daughter should do the exact same thing when confronted with a flesh eating zombie. Legs? For running? Who need'em?
19. The reporter who's got thinning hair can't even hit a zombie in the head from 10' away.
20. It doesn't matter if it's the first molatov cocktail your throwing or the 50th, it's ALWAYS the first.
21. When you realize the dead have returned to life and have a thing for eating flesh, if you see a loved one who you just walked away from when they died, it only makes sense to allow them to get close enough to bite you.
22. Brian, the guy who owns the boat started to feel cold.