Quotes -- The Full Thing
You gotta have the whole thing to appreciate the quote on the front page...
Ramon (Luis Avalos) comes into the squad room, yelling a stream of Spanish invectives...
Ramon: yadda yaddda yadda District Attorney!
Ernie (Dom DeLuise): Another triumph, huh?
Ramon: The DA threw out the case without even going to court! (flipping through report) I had it all: reports, stolen goods inventories, witness statements! I had it all! I HAD IT ALL!
(pause)
Doug (Jerry Reed): How 'bout a donut?
Ramon: Justice! I want justice!
Doug: (holding up a bill) I'm buyin'.
Ramon: (taking the bill): I'll take the donut. (to Ernie) You wanna donut?
Ernie, holding out hand: I'd rather have the money.
Other good quotes:
After Louise (Suzanne Pleshette) bumps into Ernie and Doug, nearly foiling their bust of a couple of guitar theives...
You know, I gotta hand it to you guys. I mean, you're real heroes -- busting two guys armed with a forty-five caliber guitar!
*****
Doug explains his great new plan to Capt Guyberger (Ossie Davis) and the rest:
Look, we take over Hymie Stiglitz's pawnshop. The crooks come to us!
Capt: You want us to buy stolen goods?
Ernie: Why don't we get into rape? Rape is good, rape is very good -- Ramon can get laid, it'll clear up his complexion! Doug, it's a very stupid idea!
Doug: Why?
Ernie: Because...(pause)...if it was worth doing, somebody else would have done it already.
(after a couple more minutes in this vein, even Louise gets in on it)
What you would have is something that's never been done before...no plea bargaining, guaranteed to cut through the bureaucratic *beep* I mean, when these guys incriminate themselves on Instant Replay they would have to be adjudicated with substantial penalties...
Capt: RRRRRRIGHT!
****
(ON EDIT)
How could I forget...the scene near the end, where the cops are giving the party (in order to get the "customers" in one place so they can bust them all at once) and they have Capt. Guyberger playing the Godfather!
Floozy: A black Godfather?!?
Doug (coming up off the cuff): Uh, he was a war baby! See, when Mussolini invaded Ethiopia... (Louise gives him the hook before he really gets into it.)