ReBoot anyone?
Dallas – Hugh Jackman
Ripley – Eva Green
Lambert – Ellen DeGeneres
Brett – Bryan Cranston
Kane – Eddie Redmayne
Ash – Gary Oldman
Parker – Idris Elba
If they WERE remaking Alien, they would go PG:13. And the cast would look like this:
Dallas - Zac Efron
Ripley - Selena Gomez (though she does seem to have some acting chops)
Lambert - Miley Cyrus
Brett - Taylor Lautner
Kane - Shawn Mendes
Ash - Nick Jonas
Parker - Chris Brown
That's probably close to reality. It would be set to either a hard rock or gangsta rap soundtrack and it would be over the top with CGI. I can just imagine a scene where several of them encounter the Alien in a corridor, unload several clips of ammo on it, and the Alien dodges every one of them in really bad CGI slow motion.
I think I might have a handle on this. The cast would be,
Dallas - Bill Engvall
Kane - Jeff Foxworthy
Ripley - Sarah Silverman
Lambert - if only the late, great Joan Rivers were still here
Ash - Ron Tater Salad White
Parker - Cedric The Entertainer
Brett - Larry The Cable Guy
Now that might really be an interesting movie.
What, no Jennifer Lawrence or Melissa McCarthy?
If those pen pushers up at city hall don't like it,well, they swivel on this middle digit!
I guess one of them could be the voice of MUTHER or something like that.
I would just give them a general outline of a script and let them ad lib 90% of it. I can just imagine the conversation at the table right after they came out of hyper sleep. No way you could put that on broadcast TV.
I think Jennifer Lawrence is different from most in young Hollywood today in that she has legitimate talent but I'm just not sure she's right for an Alien movie.