1. Number One Numero Uno is
Nice Jewish boys should never go out with shiksa b**ches who have shoulders like men, small t*ts, thin lips, and German Ancestry. Ever. Stick to the zaftik shayna maidelehs.
2. The Latino guys in your neighborhood who hassle you may turn out to be your strongest allies when the chips are down.
[deleted]
zei gezunt
share3. It's safe
4. It's not safe
5. Oil of cloves makes one hell of a drug
5. Never trust a guy who looks and talks like John F. Kennedy.
6. Always have a bathroom exit strategy.
7. People in New York don't lock their front door much.
8. You can pull a gun in front of the water works employee, and he won't call the cops.
9. Never get into a road rage with a Nazi.
10. If you're a famous Nazi, be sure to go trade your diamonds in the Jewish jewelry district of New York.
share11. Always have a gun with you, even if you are taking a bath, just to defend yourself.
share[deleted]
15. Chen can withstand and endure hours trapped in a closet and not look or feel tired.
16. Chen is the greatest character EVER created.
Remember, there might be some MOMENTARY DISCOMFORT.
by Henry_Marzini
» Tue Mar 15 2011 14:37:05 Flag ▼ | Reply |
IMDb member since August 2010
Post Edited:
Wed Mar 16 2011 11:33:48
/15. Chen can withstand and endure hours trapped in a closet and not look or feel tired./
In the book, standing immobile for a long time and using numchucks was Chen's thing. Scylla's thing was to be strong like a "rock."
"Two more swords and I'll be Queen of the Monkey People." Roseanne
[deleted]
3. It's safe
4. It's not safe
17) If you do go out to a high class restaraunt with your older brother and your girlfriend, and he starts calling her on all her b_ulls_hit and just generally does not like her, you should probably dump said girlfriend. Especially if your brother is super-fit, shows up at random times with mysterious injuries and is out of town on "business" a lot. Chances are, he's a secret agent and knows his s_hit.
18) Have good reflexes.
19) If you think someone is trying to kill you, someone probably is.
20) Drink orange juice before any brawl with an Asian guy who has a glass eye.
Mooshy, Mooshy, Mooshy!
Don't use the hand that's just been cut to hell with a garote wire to defend yourself.
Don't fvck with Roy Scheider unless you have a bowie knife up your sleeve.
I love to love my Lisa.
[deleted]
44.Never trust any one in the division they will send someone to your apartment and try to drown you.
45.Babe Levy has a armpit of a place.
[deleted]
That some European women do indeed shave./ That the doughnut man moonlighted as a jewelry salesman. / If you live by the knife up the sleeve, you die by the knife up the sleeve. / That Jews being greedy is a myth. Why else would Babe throw away millions of dollars in diamonds when they were his for the taking? Think about it.
shareGarbage strikes are a real pain in the ass.
shareIf you shoot a girl in the hip she will die with her eyes open.
shareAlways carry painkillers with you in case a Nazi decides to torture you using dental instruments.
It is easy to pick-up attractive women in a library if they are spies.
Avoid road rage because it might lead you to run into a truck carrying gasoline.
If you threaten someone with a gun and they get away, they are likely to call the police on you, unless you happen to be in a water treatment facility.
He who conquers himself is mightier than he who conquers a city.
--If you're a top-notch secret agent, it's probably a good idea to go to the emergency room for a vicious knife wound, not stagger all the way to your brother's apartment across town. This applies regardless of whether or not you sliced your hand recently.
--Assassins named Chen have necks as easily breakable as twigs.
--Even if you choose not to ditch your boyfriend/girlfriend because they haven't told the truth about themselves once, at least suspect something BEFORE you get nearly drowned, kidnapped, have your teeth poked at and drilled, and find out your dead brother's work partner (and maybe more) turns out to be a traitor.
--Just because your neighbors refer to you as 'Creepy' doesn't mean you can't rely on them once in a while. It just might cost you a thing or two.
-------------------------------------
The ultimate question: Stuffing or potatoes?
- Nothing good ever, EVER happens at the opera.
- Shaving the top of your head bald will make you totally unrecognizable, except to one old lady who just happens to be standing around on the street.
- Surprisingly, Puerto Rican gangs are not intimidated by a middle-aged white guy in a suit.
Columbia University grad courses must be really strenuous. How else can you explain the students looking like they're in their late 30s?
shareYou can run around for 10 minutes, half-naked and screaming for help at night in New York City (the city that supposedly never sleeps), and noone will notice or give a damn.
share