Things I Learned from 'Cross of Iron'

--Male on male lip-locking is an excellent way to cure some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

--It's better to kill the subordinate officer who carries out your execution rather than the officer who ordered it. After all, you're a MAN and you need to prove it.

--Miles behind enemy lines and morale is low? No problem. Just whip out a harmonica and play a little ditty as you belt out a song in German. And do it in broad daylight, too. The Russians will never notice.

--You should salute every officer you see in a warzone. After all, how will the enemy snipers know who to shoot first?

--Battles on the Eastern Front consisted of a lot of random things blowing up and random people falling over, repeatedly, over and over again, sometimes in slow motion.

--The nurse always falls in love with the wounded soldier. Always.

--Officers will not only try to steal accolades, they'll also steal roast pig and wine from cripples.

--An argument will always be accompanied by an artillery barrage or air raid. Typically one that causes dust to fall from the rafters and a few beams to come tumbling down.

--Rather than use tanks to level a factory from a distance, it's actually better to just drive your tanks into the building and have one big party with the enemy.

--Russian bombers look conspicuously like U.S. Navy Corsairs.

--Any mediocre film will be praised by people who worship name-recognition over genuine quality.