I agree with bari2525. John Wayne's character is a man on a mission who very quickly has to turn his sons who are filled with disrespect and anger into a workable team. As a leader, he slowly earns their respect. Earning the respect that he deserves, yes deserves, as a father is harder to come by.
He has been out of their lives for 9 years and 4 months. The fact that he knows the time by months demonstrates that his absence is one that has been more forced upon him than chosen. The fact that when he gets word from his estranged wife he is with her as quickly as possible also shows his concern for her and for his family.
However, his sons do not see these moments or are too young to note their importance. The very afternoon that they see a glimmer of his continued love for his wife (her photo in the watch), the sons' distrust and anger climax with their accusation of his stealing the million dollars.
Big Jake allows his sons to do what they most want to do --to take a swing at him, to hit him, to show him their fury (and confusion) of not having him in their lives for almost a decade. Then, he gives them what they need ... the knowledge that he is not their punching bag and that they still have much to learn --about life and about him. They even have more to learn about their mother.
Whether he had a weakness for the ladies or whether his wife made a decision that he would not share in --as with her choice to strike at the kidnappers through long-range rifles, I do not know, just as his sons do not know. All is conjecture since there are sadly no more scenes with Maureen O'Hara. However, her attraction to, pride in, and confidence in Big Jake are all apparent,even if he does infuriate her. He is the man for the job of getting Little Jake back. While doing so, he strengthens the relationship between a few more members of his family.
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