a great time

Readers may have noticed, usually I do not like "artsy" films. This is due to the fact that often they are little more than "grand and visionary images" repeated over and over. So, keeping that in mind, some friends are surprised I regard this title as a nearly perfect black comedy. Look at the cast though, everyone plays their roles with deadly serious poise and the hero is a murderous genius! Not so much that we are intended to love Phibes as a character (and we are), but he is far too charismatic and inventive not to like.

Trout is investigating the curious deaths of a few doctors around London when he comes to the conclusion that something is amiss. The first two really do not peak his interest, even though one man was stung to death by a swarm of bees (boils) in his room and another ripped to shreds by bats. Might I remind you, these deaths occurred in the middle of London. Not precisely the sort of locale that supports populations of killer bees or genetically engineered bats. Work with me here, Flying Foxes are really too cute for the bloodthirsty part they play, but something scratched that man to death. Anyway, Pike - I mean Trout, realizes that foul business is afoot when one man has his skull crushed by a mechanical frog mask.

Victoria Phibes died during an operation (exactly what is not explained) and her grieving husband was presumed dead after his car drove off a cliff and burned. Unfortunately for the doctors, the man either has the greatest immune system ever known or is an undead avenger (I'm partial to the latter explanation myself). Biding his time, he devised a fiendish plan to kill anyone involved with Victoria's death. Nothing simple like a knife or bullet either. Phibes will visit a deadly plague, derived from what Moses called down upon the Pharaoh, on each and every person.

We, the audience, are privy to the extraordinary lengths Dr. Phibes is going to for revenge. Whether he is intensely playing the pipe organ that dominates the grand ballroom of his hideout or gracefully dancing with Vulnavia, the man has style. Nobody else is there to see, save the incredible clockwork musicians playing music, so the performances solely gratify Phibes' strange tastes.

Probably the most chilling end is that of Dr. Longstreet. Lulled into a dreamy state by Vulnavia, he allows himself to be bound to a chair. Then Phibes walks in and fixes the old horny coot with a reproachful stare (I love the look he gives the victims) before inserting a large needle into the man's arm. Attached to the tube is a pint jar and the glass container begins to fill as Phibes slowly works the pump. He artfully drains every single drop of blood from the poor man, leaving him a gray husk and placing all eight pints on the mantel. I've watched hundreds of slasher flicks and few scenes have ever really deserved a second thought. Watching a man's blood being leisurely pumped from his body made my hair stand on end.

Gruesome as it may be, the last victim's end provides Trout with a much-needed clue. Phibes had a set of pendants specially made; each has a Hebrew symbol representing one of the plagues. He wears the respective pendant when executing each sentence and lost the one for blood during Longstreet's initial thrashing. Between visiting a jeweler and a Rabbi, the inspector is able to start piecing things together. Fat lot of good it will do.

Impressive powers of deduction (actually he or one of his servants spent hours sorting through folders) enable Vesalius to volunteer that all the deceased were involved in the failed surgery on Victoria Phibes. Despite knowing this, two more are killed before the authorities get the remainder under police protection. Still no good; Trout and another inspector actually open the door for number seven when a brass unicorn head (beasts) is catapulted across the street, skewering him. Then there's the problem of removing the victim from the wall, resulting in a scene that really cracks me up.

As the audience might notice, the protagonist is ingeniously cruel. He honestly believes these doctors and the nurse are responsible for his beloved's death. Phibes spends a great deal of time talking to her image and even wears latex facial features over his burned visage, thereby appearing more or less normal. Okay, so he must speak through a phonograph (attached to him by cable). What of it? He ingests food and drink via the back of his neck too! In fact, while brewing up a special batch of Brussels sprout syrup (egad, imagine that on pancakes), he tastes the concoction. Disgusting slurping sounds result, causing my imagination to speculate: what sort of orifice was located on the back of this man's neck? Considering the tongue's roll in that sense, how does he taste anything?

Now, about that mind-boggling health syrup; it is used to facilitate the nurse's murder. She is a little distraught and sent to bed with a sleeping pill. Unbeknownst to the officer standing guard outside her door, the villain has entered the room above and drilled a hole through the ceiling. He then applies a liberal coating of Brussels sprout syrup to the comatose woman before goading a number of famished locusts down the pipe. Hehehe! Someone who has been sedated might not wake up if a few wood chips fall, but having their nose and mouth filled with that disgusting molasses should rouse them. Let alone when the hungry hoppers start eating their face off!

The police are nearly beside themselves, but at least they have Dr. Vesalius where nobody can get to him and... ...oh no! The ninth plague was death of the firstborn and Vesalius Jr. is at home alone! Phibes has struck again, but this time he devised a way to torture the surgeon and test his mettle. Vesalius must remove a key lodged near his son's heart before a deadly shower of acid rains down from above. While the father rushes to split his child open the abominable organist descends into a crypt where his wife awaits. Fittingly, Dr. Phibes saved the last plague (darkness) for himself.

I'm at a loss to explain why the protagonist is such a charming character. Vincent Price being one of my favorite actors probably has a lot to do with it; add to that the dedication and imagination he displays and we have a winner. And this is a person visiting grisly ends upon nearly a dozen people who very likely do not deserve them. Victoria died on the operating table while an obviously experienced group was trying to save her life. Did one of the surgeons tug on something they shouldn't have? Since Phibes does appear to be a revenant (although I have a disturbing theory about Vulnavia that pops up in the sequel), this appears to prove her life was unfairly cut short. We cannot tell for certain.