MovieChat Forums > Monty Python's Flying Circus (2018) Discussion > What have we learned from Monty Python's...

What have we learned from Monty Python's Flying Circus:

posted 12 years ago by salesgab
21 replies | jump to latest

1- NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

2- Argument is not the same as contradiction

3- Some of my best friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites

4- The best way to defend yourself against the rosberry fiend is to release te tiger.

5- The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob.

6- Gooooooone! It's a nice word, it's got a woody quallity to it.

7- Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam!

8- Once you've seen one Yeti you've seen them all

9- A dromedary has one hump, and a camel has a refreshment car, buffet and ticket collector.

10- Whenever you tell a bad joke a knight armed with a rubber chicken will smack you in the head.

Feel free to contribute.

[–] Noddy_Comet 12 years ago

11. Having a new gas cooker installed is a bureaucratic nightmare.

12. It's a pig's life... er, man's life in the modern army.

13. If you're keen on blancmanges, the planet Skyron in the galaxy of Andromeda is the place for you.

14. Selling encyclopaedias can be hazardous to your health (but only if you're bad at it).

15. If you want to proposition a policeman, make up some story about a lost wallet.

16. Lions don't moult, but penguins do.

17. Beethoven didn't like mynah birds.

18. There was a less-talented Zeppelin brother called Barry.

19. Wainscotting sounds like a little Dorset village.

20. There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito.

Make tea, not war.

[–] murph24 12 years ago

21. Sheep don't so much "fly" as "plummet."

22. Nine out of ten British housewives can't tell the difference between Whizzo Butter and a dead crab.

23. If you say "mattress" to Mr. Lambert, he puts a bag over his head.

24. Contrary to what most people think, the goldfish has a ravenous appetite.

25. There are forty doctors per bed at St. Nathan's Hospital for Attractive Young Women Who Aren't Particularly Ill.

26. The brontosaurus is thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end.

27. The Royal Navy isn't a haven for cannibalism; in fact, it's well known they have the problem relatively under control.

28. Prolific film director Sir Edward Ross doesn't like being called "Eddie baby."

29. There are still many things NOT on top of other things.

30. Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky's naughty bits were extremely naughty for his time.

[–] Noddy_Comet 12 years ago

31. The Colonel can stop a sketch even if it's "on film".

32. Dinsdale Piranha was a gentleman.

33. And what's more, he knew how to treat a female impersonator.

34. Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson only has one shed.

35. Historically, Taunton is part of Minehead.

36. The Ministry of Silly Walks is chronically under-funded.

37. Dr Keith Maniac has the power to send bricks to sleep. (It's all done with the eyes.)

38. Cement is much more interesting than people think.

39. Eligible bachelor Ken Shabby possesses extraordinary personal magnetism.

40. Tall archaeologists are more interesting than short ones.

Make tea, not war.

[–] murph24 12 years ago

41. Marge's little boy Ralph used to spit; he could hit a Van Gogh at thirty yards.

42. Don't call Biggles "señor" - he's NOT a Spanish person.

43. Having a degree will kill your chances of becoming a BBC programme planner.

44. Raquel Welch has a big bottom.

45. You don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat; it'd be so anticlimactic.

46. Athlete's foot, an irritating condition, can be cured by applying a small charge of TNT between each toe.

47. It's a bit of a jump to go directly from chartered accountancy to lion taming.

48. No one hates Clodagh Rogers.

49. For breakfast every day, Ken Clean-Air Systems places a plate of liver & bacon under his chair and locks himself in the cupboard.

50. It's all in a day's work...for Bicycle Repair Man!

[–] Whut_sum_mo 12 years ago

51. The queen will be watching

52. Strawberry tart hasn't got much rat in it.

53. in the disgusting objects international at Wembley, England beat Spain by a plate of braised pus to a putrid heron.

54. How to confuse a cat

55. Conquistador Coffee brings a new meaning to the word vomit

56. Dennis Moore doesn't do botany lessons, he just wants your lupins.

57. Ken is almost totally stupid

58. You can use the spare room as a dung room.

59. 'Gay boys in bondage' 'tis a story of a man's great love for his... fellow man.

60. You don't need a license for a pet fish.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism - Steven Wright

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] murph24 12 years ago

67. A naughty nightie is guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties.

68. It's dangerous to flush your budgie down the loo; they breed in the sewers.

69. God exists by two falls to a submission.

70. Mrs. Brando's son was mending the fridge when he was asked to star in The Wild One.

71. "Splunge" means "it's-a-great-idea-but-possibly-not-and-I'm-not-being-indecisive."

72. The Norwegian Blue has beautiful plumage.

73. Smoking's been taxed, and drinking's been taxed, but not...thingy.

74. Scissors don't cut stone, even if they're very good scissors.

75. The whole problem of Whicker Island is there are just too many Whickers.

76. A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.

[–] eggamus 12 years ago

77. People would rather let a burglar into their house than an encyclopedia salesman
78. Splunge is the only word that doesn't enrage film directors
79. of course the hoop has a hole it wouldn't be a hoop otherwise
80. You can land safely on a bail of hay from a great height
81. Suffering from De javu is like being stuck in a time loop

[–] anony_miss 12 years ago

82. You dont sell people choc ices at the movies-you sell them albatrosses

83. The best way to disarm people with various pieces of fruits is to either shoot them, release a 16 ton weight or release a tiger

84. How to recognize a Larch Tree

85. That people dont want to be mice..It just sort of happens to them

86. If you give a man a pound he will leave the sketch totally interrupted....ok 50 pence....45 pence....35 pence....25 pence....10 pence and a kiss

87. That the only gangs you should be afraid of on the streets are ones made up of old ladies

88. That pantomime horses make far better secret agents than James Bond

89. That height really does matter in the field of archaeology

90. That village idiots are an integral part of modern society and have a vital role to play in civilization

91. That when you look through advertisements on a notice board sometimes a chest of drawers...really is just a chest of drawers

92. That you can still communicate to people when your in a coffin as a precaution- One knock for yes, two knocks for no

Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed!

[–] mlaughlin22 11 years ago

93.. East Angola is where the idiots come from .
94 .. people that live in your body never pay rent.

Fix the error reports on this site

[–] murph24 11 years ago

95. Mrs. Betty Teal has a lover in Bolton.

96. If you'd like a bit of "love your neighbor" - and who doesn't now and again? - then see Vera and Cicely during the hymns.

97. Wild animals can be very permissive librarians; pumas keep Hank Janson on open shelves.

98. The Kamikaze Scotsman has to finish himself off by lunchtime or he thinks he's let down the Emperor.

99. The Padre has been wrestling with Plato.

[–] pusterummet 11 years ago

100. The Poet McTeagle is expecting a divvy from the Harpenden Building Society

[–] murph24 11 years ago

101. if you're suffering from fractured tibia, then you're a proper little mummy's boy.

102. Tiddles, a very interesting cat, flies across the room and lands in a bucket of water (when you fling her).

103. Suggesting a game of tennis on a sunny day can lead to a bloodbath.

104. I don't think it's a proper restaurant unless you have a proper menu and anyway I might be pregnant.

105. Even Flopsy is glad everyone could come to the Big Cheese's "little party."

106. When it comes to after-shaves, Ken Shabby uses Rancid Polecat #2; it keeps his skin nice and scaly.

107. Is there life after death? Three dead people say no.

108. The 8:13 from Gillingham doesn't have a restaurant car; it only has a standing buffet.

109. Hunters love animals; that's why they like to kill 'em.

110. This just in from the Milk Marketing Board: For every two cartons of single cream you get the M4 motorway.

But it's my only line!

[–] fabrik1980 11 years ago

111. Llamas are much larger than frogs.

112. Mount Everest is the mountain with the biggest t*ts in the world.

113. BBC announcers like to irritate you.

114. Lemon Curry?

115. Blood banks don't accept urine.

116. If your brain hurts, it must come out.

117. You can get all the laughs even if you don't have any lines.

118. In some hospitals the patients are lying around in beds.

119. If you're a mass murderer, just apologize and all is forgiven.

120. The building will crumble if you don't believe in it.

[–] murph24 11 years ago

121. Einstein wouldn't have developed the theory of relativity if he hadn't been clever.

122. Trading was crisp at the start of the day with some brisk business on the floor; nipples rose dramatically during the morning but had declined by mid-afternoon, while teeth clenched and buttocks remained firm.

123. "I'm Just An Old Fashioned Girl" was first performed by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.

124. Katie Boyle is not a looney; she is a television personality.

125. In standard IQ tests, penguins scored lower than the Bushmen of the Kalahari but higher than BBC programme planners.

126. Mrs. Zambesi has never been south of Sidcup.

127. The dirty vicar of St. Michael's likes tits.

128. "Trim Jeans," a terrific product, will help you lose inches off your hips, thighs, buttocks and abdomen.

129. Jean Paul Sartre & his wife Betty Muriel lived in the same Parisian apartment building as the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, Yves Montand, Jacques Cousteau, Jean Genet and Friend, Maurice Laroux (never heard of him), Marcel Marceau and Indira Gandhi.

130. Tchaikovsky's head was about the same size as that of four very large hamsters, or one medium-size rabbit (if you count the whole of the body and not just the head).

[–] unladenswallow13 11 years ago

-The British consul in Smolensk, rear admiral Sir Dudley Compton, had a heart attack, fell out of a window onto an exploding bomb and was killed in a shooting accident. His successor is Mr. Atkinson.

[–] alanr4447a 11 years ago

132. How not to be seen (unless a neighbor tells where you are)
132a. If they can't see you, they can't get you (unless they can still hear you).

133. Sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea into their heads, there's no shifting it.

134. Television is bad for your eyes.

135. If you enlarge a penguin to the size of a human, its brain will be larger than it was!

136. To play the flute, put the top end in your mouth and run your fingers up and down the holes.

137. How to identify the Larch.

138. 22A Runcorn Avenue is bleeding damp!

139. If a penguin sitting on top of a television set lays an egg, said egg will fall down the back of the set -- unless the penguin's a male.

140. Being a milkman is a dangerous profession.

141. City Stockbrokers lead exceedingly dull lives -- their only relief is to secretly read comic books.

142. The Bishop almost never arrives in time.

143. Nobody (except maybe one person) can say "five penny, please" and make it funny.

144. Where Margaret Thatcher's brain was located.

145. Where the Naughty Bits are located.

146. Most of the terms for Naughty Bits are nice, woody words -- except "t¡ts".

147. Mary Whitehouse has taken Umbrage.

[–] SSteveL 10 years ago

148. Accountancy is not boring.

149. LLAP-GOCH allows you to RENDER your assailant UNCONSCIOUS even before he is AWARE of your existence.

150. Some cheese shops do not have cheese to sell.

151. Cross beam is askew on treadle.

152. Summarizing Proust in 15 seconds is challenging.

153. Storage jars are actually quite thrilling.

154. There are manifold uses for 1-inch lengths of string.

155. Having your own lion-taming hat does not alone qualify you to be a lion tamer.

________________________
This signature has been deleted by the poster

[–] vidville-69614 9 years ago

That it isn't funny at all!

[–] Sunny_Nelson 9 years ago

156. There is a Basingstoke in Westphalia.

[–] snelling 8 years ago

157. Rhythm method!

"'Extremely High Voltage.' Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer SimpsonZZZ--" - Frank Grimes