The Dark Shadows Wrong Answer Game Part 2 - Dark Shadows (1966) Discussion

[–] Venus-25 11 years ago

Next Question:

Chris Jennings sure seemed to have a lot of free time on his hands between full moons - just what did he do for a living, anyway?

He was a rock musician who was very careful to schedule gigs when there was no full moon. His band was called Blood Moon Rising and they were the precursors of the Goth craze.

Next Question:

Where was Laura Collins when Victoria Winters arrived at Collinwood?

(BTW, you realize that by not continuing the other thread it will ultimately disappear and there's lots of good stuff in it!)

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

(BTW, you realize that by not continuing the other thread it will ultimately disappear and there's lots of good stuff in it!)

No, it can occasionally be "bump" posted for preservation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Question:

Where was Laura Collins when Victoria Winters arrived at Collinwood?

At a top-secret government research facility in the forested central region of Maine. She was being held there by a black book funded group of scientists, who were studying various special mental and physical abilities of humans. Laura's pyrokinetic condition was of particular interest, due to its potential military applications. The researchers came to believe that such a gifted individual could easily destroy even the most well-armed aggressors. If only they had known just how correct they were about that. One ghastly night, she literally incinerated all of her captors, and then went directly to the coffee shop in the Collinsport Inn, about eighty miles to the east.

Next Question:

Strangers came to town in 1969, and opened up an Antique Shop. Who were they? What were their real motives?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

Strangers came to town in 1969, and opened up an Antique Shop. Who were they? What were their real motives?

Phillip Straker and Megan Barlow. Straker was Ms. Barlow's front man, and came up with the idea of opening an antique shop in the sleepy little town as a cover for Barlow's vampirism. The plan was to spread vampirism, with Barlow as the Queen of the Undead, to all of New England. The plan got sidetracked when they were endlessly having to babysit for their numerous nephews. After Straker was dispatched in a horrific accident at the local perogy factory, Roger Collins assumed toady duties for Ms. Barlow... It didn't turn out well. Collins, a perpetual sherry sipper, fell asleep on the job, allowing Barlow to get staked right under his nose by the village idiot and the local sedative pusher.

Next Question:

What was the real story of The Pen that Victoria Winters found on the beach following the murder of Bill Malloy?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

What was the real story of The Pen that Victoria Winters found on the beach following the murder of Bill Malloy?

Roger took an evening walk along the beach the same evening that Malloy was killed. Suddenly, he was knocked right out of his Buster Brown loafers by the concussive force from a time warp disturbance on the beach, just a few yards ahead of where he'd been standing. Upon returning to his feet, Roger saw in front of him a yellow Lamborghini. Frozen chunks of ammonia fell to the sand as the driver's side door opened. The lone occupant of the futuristic vehicle emerged.

Roger was in awe. There before him in the New England twilight, stood a slightly built young man in a red jumpsuit. He inquired of Roger as to his location and the year. Roger informed him that this was Collinsport, Maine, in the year 1966.

"Oops, missed it," the boyish time traveler replied.

Roger, excited to meet who he believed to be the world's first time traveler, took out his expensive pen, and asked for an autograph. After signing the back of Roger's Gold Member's Pass for The Rear Door club, the traveler jumped back in the car, and warped out of sight in a blinding flash of light.

With his heart still palpating with excitement, Roger rushed into town to visit the area's leading psychic, Rhoda Morgenstern. Eager to find out all he could about the time traveler he'd met on the beach, Roger paid Rhoda two hundred dollars, and gave her the autograph to examine.

After about two minutes of mumbo jumbo with a crystal ball, Rhoda gave him the news: the traveler was an exiled pop star from the year 2015. In an attempt to gain "street cred," the punk had got himself arrested for Drag Racing and Resisting Arrest Without Violence. He was not exiled by the authorities, but rather by those he'd sought to impress. "Racing" a sports car capable of doing 200 mph at only 60 mph, and acting like a bratty 13 year-old girl when the cops stopped him, did very little for his "street cred." He was the laughing stock of pop culture, and was forced to flee into the past to avoid further embarrassment.

"He got arrested for going sixty in a car that does two hundred?" Roger asked. "Oh, man... What have I done? If Elizabeth, or worse yet that Devlin scoundrel were to hear of this, I'd be ruined!"

"They'll never hear it from me," the psychic assured him. "Just let me have the pen he signed this card with, and I can make it so that the signature was never there. No one will ever know."

"Yes, thank you, Rhoda... Oh, my God! It's gone! It was right here in my breast pocket. I must have dropped it on the beach. What now?"

"Without that pen, I can't perform the reversive ceremony... You won't ever be able to use this card again."

"I'll find the pen... Even if I have to kill for it!"

Victoria Winters found the pen, and the rest is history....

Next Question:

Why did Barnabas Collins leave his wolf's head cane behind in the coffee shop at the Collinsport Inn?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

Why did Barnabas Collins leave his wolf's head cane behind in the coffee shop at the Collinsport Inn?

He was like over two hundred years old... Of course he forgot where he left it.

Next Question:

After Willie Loomis is shot by the Police outside the Evans Cottage, he is deemed mentally deranged, and sent to Wincliff to recover. Why does Barnabas falsely reply "Yes, I am a Doctor," when Willie mistakes him for one?

reply

[–] ContinentalOp 11 years ago

This is not a false claim. Barnabas Collins is indeed a doctor, though only of Colourology, achieving his completing doctorate after colouring The Three-Dimensional Colouring Book For Boys. Colourology is of course a fascinating field but isn't particularly useful in everyday life.

Next Question:

Nicholas Blair claims that he knows the dark lord under the name of ''Diabolos''. Is this a nickname or his Christian (or should that be Satanic?) name?

Formerly KingAngantyr

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

Nicholas Blair claims that he knows the dark lord under the name of ''Diabolos''. Is this a nickname or his Christian (or should that be Satanic?) name?

Actually, it was originally his stage name. Blair and Diabolos (real name, Myron C. Featherhaven) used to perform as magicians in traveling Vaudeville shows. Blair was then known as Fancy White Gloves Nicky.

When the former Dark Lord of the underworld, AKA: Satan, quit due to a protracted contract dispute over desired residual continuity payments for souls previously procured, Diabolos was offered the job. Immediately, he realized that his predecessor had let the place go to H***-in-a-hand basket, and brought in his old Vaudeville friend, Nick Blair to resolve several long-standing disciplinary issues that had previously gone unaddressed, particularly in the New England region of operations. One of those cases, as we all know, was Angelique/Cassandra.

Next Question:

Why did Angelique/Cassandra always seem to have so much trouble with incantations and spells involving the use of fire? Be it 1795 with a house of cards, or 1968 with a cigarette lighter - she just couldn't keep a flame going long enough to finish her spiffy oratory. How come?

reply

[–] Venus-25 11 years ago

Why did Angelique/Cassandra always seem to have so much trouble with incantations and spells involving the use of fire? Be it 1795 with a house of cards, or 1968 with a cigarette lighter - she just couldn't keep a flame going long enough to finish her spiffy oratory. How come?

Because -- and she would have been embarrassed to death to admit this -- she had a phobia about fire. She had witnessed other witches burning at the stake and illogically feared that this could happen to her by accident.

Next Question:

Why was Judah Zachary beheaded?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

Why was Judah Zachary beheaded?

It was 1692 in coastal New England, and things were often quite dull and unexciting. Miranda Duvall decided to liven things up by suggesting a beach volleyball tournament. Everyone loved the idea, except as this was seventeenth century colonial America, they had no volleyball. Miranda suggested they draw lots, Judah drew the short straw, and Gaylord Hoffman's team won the tournament with a stunning come from behind victory over the Chester Loomis team. Judge Collins, acting as referee, awarded the winners a trophy: the game ball inside a glass display case.

Next Question:

Whatever happened to Miranda (aka: Angelique) after causing Judah to lose his head?

reply

[–] Venus-25 11 years ago

Whatever happened to Miranda (aka: Angelique) after causing Judah to lose his head?

Knowing that she would be persona non grata anywhere near New England she boarded the first ship to France where she changed her name and became one of the king's mistresses. Louis XIV, ever the bon vivant and fashion plate, taught her much about style. She became one of the most important fashion icons of Paris, but put curses on any woman who copied her designs.

Next Question:

What was Gregory Trask's biggest obsession?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

What was Gregory Trask's biggest obsession?

Following the death of Gregory Trask's first wife, Minerva, in 1897, he set his sights on marrying Judith Collins and acquiring certain of her possessions. Judith, desperate to marry, accepted his proposal with hardly any forethought.

Trask almost immediately started to gaslight her into seeing all sorts of strange goings on. Then, per his plan, he had her sent to an asylum. With Judith out of Collinwood, Trask had time to indulge freely in his obsession:
Pteridopornomania.

Upon her return from the asylum, Judith decided to do some tidying up in some of the little used rooms of the house. To her shock and horror, Judith discovered Gregory's dark room and collection of filth. She could hardly believe her eyes: hundreds of recently taken photographs of her own prized ferns... posed in compromising positions.

Immediately upon his return from his weekly meeting of the Kemetic Reconstructionists Society, Gregory was bound by the servants, and per Julia's orders, immured in Quentin's room. He was never heard from again.

Next Question:

Why is it we never see Angelique riding on a broom?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

Why is it we never see Angelique riding on a broom?

Oh, boy… Angelique’s darkest and most embarrassing secret about to be revealed, at last.

The fact is, Miranda (as she was originally known at the time) was a very poor student at the Bats Wing Junior Community Academy of Sorcery. Finishing last in her class of thirty three apprentice witches in 1690, Miranda was absolutely incompetent in nearly every aspect of the craft. The joke around the school at the time of her attendance, was that she was such a poor witch that she couldn’t “cackle and stir brew at the same time.” Sadly, this wasn’t far from the truth.

Her final grades at the Academy were as follows: Spell Casting, D+; Familiar Deployment, C; Potion Brewing, D; Cackling, Evil Smiling and Important Stuff like That, C+; Scheme Planning, B; Scheme Resolution, D-; Fire Making and Fire Perpetuation, D-; and, Broom Flying, D. Note that her D grade in Broom Flying should have been an F, if not for two other areas (albeit ungraded) at which she actually did excel: seduction and extortion. Her Broom Flying instructor, Henry Hyde, had no choice but to bump up her grade just far enough to allow her to graduate.

Thus, only through lying, cheating, seducing and extorting did Miranda manage to become a licensed Witch. Her Psychological Evaluation while at the school predicted as much:

“Apprentice Duvall shows marked propensities indicative of an overlapping full-spectrum of Cluster B Personality Disorders. These persistent patterns of thought and behavior may impede or even negate the value of any level of skill she may otherwise attain. Further, any level of skill obtained, even if only to a very basic degree, may be abused for nefarious purposes. In fact, teaching such an unstable individual such skills as are taught in this institution may be a grave error, and may prove to be dangerous to not only those here at the Academy, but to the world as a whole. This department recommends dismissal, before any further harm can be done.”

Miranda’s file was mysteriously misplaced following her private meeting with the school’s President, Warlock Cyrus Clinton. It wasn’t found until years after her graduation, hidden in a cigar box.

Despite never really learning to fly like all the other graduate witches, Miranda still managed to turn a profit out of failure. Some of her classmates, as a joke on Miranda, fashioned a fake witch’s legs and back-end of a broom, and attached it to a tree. A local entrepreneur picked up the idea and started marketing them at Halloween time each year, giving Miranda (aka, Angelique) twenty nine cents for each unit sold. After more than three hundred years of sales, she’s had the last cackle on her classmates.

Next Question:

Whoever told Pansy Faye she could sing? For Pete’s sake, why?

reply

[–] Venus-25 11 years ago

Whoever told Pansy Faye she could sing? For Pete’s sake, why?

OMG, that had to have been Carl Collins who was so desperate to get laid he'd say anything. A crazy chick had to be an easy mark.

Next Question:

How did Nicholas Blair manage to talk himself out of hell multiple times after being condemned to eternity?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

How did Nicholas Blair manage to talk himself out of hell multiple times after being condemned to eternity?

As previously revealed, Blair and Diabolos were former Vaudeville magicians, prior to Diabolos accepting the position of Lord of The Underworld (after the position became available due to Satan walking out over a contract dispute). Diablols in turn hired his old Vaudeville pal, Blair, to clean up several of the organization's long-neglected internal disciplinary matters (Angelique for one). Blair's official title was New England Regional Director of Internal Affairs, but everyone soon referred to him as "Mole", "Witch Snitch", "Tin Star Warlock", and other derogatory terms.

Most of the time, complaints against Blair were determined to be unfounded. Witches and Warlocks who lost their credentials are prone to revenge; and false accusations against the "Flat-Hoof" who'd busted them were often the easiest, but also the least effective means of vengeance.

On a few occasions, Blair did find himself faced with legitimate complaints of misconduct. The first time, he merely presented the Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card that he'd stolen from a Monopoly board game (Diabolos being not the pointiest pitchfork in the Pit). Another time, he threatened blackmail on Diabolos. As his boss's former fellow magician in Vaudeville, he knew his most guarded secret: his real name. It wouldn't do for all in The Underworld to know that Diabolos was really just Myron C. Featherhaven, from Parma. These were inventive, but far less so than his final escape ploy.

The last time, Blair used an old cigar box, along with some Sea Monkey seeds and several tubes of fake Vampire Blood he'd mail-ordered from ads in the back of Demons Life Magazine. He conned Diabolos - a wooden headed Peter Principle incompetent, even by U.S. corporate executive standards - with an utterly ridiculous scheme to take over the human world. He presented his esteemed leader with a dusty, old-looking book that he claimed was an ancient sacred text, purportedly written in human blood by a race of prehistoric demons who once had ruled the Earth - and through which Diabolos could reign supreme. The book was actually just a recently hand copied version of L. Ron Hubbard's inane BS, which Blair forged using the Vampire Blood and some musty old paper he'd previously stolen out of the attic at Collinwood. Employing Dale Carnegie's method of letting the pigeon believe that they themself had thought of the plan, Blair had Diabolos biting on it hook, line and sinker. Cheshire Cat grinned Blair really laid it on thick... profusely complementing Diabolos on his "exceedingly brilliant plan" to use a demon in human form, grown from a seed in a magic box to rule the human realm, all as foretold in the mysterious ancient book of prophecy. Blair even agreed to go back to the human world to personally groom and supervise the creature who would bring Diabolos his ultimate glory. He feigned initial reluctance to this task, and let Diabolos think he'd talked Blair into it.

The scam got Blair conditionally out of confinement, until... the Sea Monkey boy, Jebes Hawkes (aka: The Thing In The Box), got cold feet at the altar, and ran away screaming "But, I don't wanna be a monster!" Blair was then irrevocably cast into the hottest region of hades. His plan is still remembered as the worst screw-up since Chester Fiddlecloven sat on a certain someone's shoulder and slyly whispered "Let's invade Russia in the Winter."

Next Question:

In 1897, when Quentin Collins arrives at the mausoleum secret room just after sunset and finds Barnabas, the vampire is gravely concerned to learn that Quentin's minimally exceptional brother, Carl, had been in the room. Barnabas appears quite disturbed when Quentin adds "He knows!" What does Carl Collins know? Why is Barnabas so upset about it?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

In 1897, when Quentin Collins arrives at the mausoleum secret room just after sunset and finds Barnabas, the vampire is gravely concerned to learn that Quentin's minimally exceptional brother, Carl, had been in the room. Barnabas appears quite disturbed when Quentin adds "He knows!" What does Carl Collins know? Why is Barnabas so upset about it?

Carl discovered not only that Barnabas Collins is a vampire... Carl discovered that Barnabas (who suffers from sometimes terrifying daymares) sleeps with a Mrs. Beasley Doll, which he had brought with him from the future. Barnabas was panicked that the idiot Carl would blab about it in the village, and that word of it would make its way back to Vampires Local #666. Barnabas knew that if his Union were to ever find out, he could have had his membership card revoked for violation of the Bylaws, which strictly require the undead to show no sign of fear to the living. Revocation could have resulted in compulsory staking. Carl was simply going to have to go.

Next Question:

In 1840 - with favorite son, Quentin, in jail on charges of murder and witchcraft - Gabriel, Samantha, Desmond and Gerard are all stunned to learn the beneficiary and terms in the revised will of recently deceased Collins family patriarch, Daniel Collins. What was so shocking about Daniel's will?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

In 1840 - with favorite son, Quentin, in jail on charges of murder and witchcraft - Gabriel, Samantha, Desmond and Gerard are all stunned to learn the beneficiary and terms in the revised will of recently deceased Collins family patriarch, Daniel Collins. What was so shocking about Daniel's will?

Daniel Collins succumbed shortly after suffering a massive stroke due to the shock of discovering that his youngest son, Gabriel, had been wearing only a pair of kiwi green Bermuda shorts beneath his wheelchair blanket for all those years since his mysterious horseback riding accident as a child. As he was dying, he kept uttering Gabriel's name, and pointing toward him. The rest of the family never discovered what he was referring to. A few days before he died, the family patriarch had composed a new Will.

Daniel's Will consisted of three pages, written by his own hand, and each one in a different color of crayon: Purple Mountains' Majesty, Purple Pizzazz, and Wild Blue Yonder... In that order. All in attendance at the reading of the Will were surprised that Gabriel would be the sole caretaker of the Collins estate and fortune until Quentin's son, Tad, was to reach the age of Twenty One. This seemed a most odd arrangement, since in addition to being confined to a wheel chair, Gabriel suffered from a severe character deficit, and was... Well, frankly... Too stupid to spell "cat" if one spotted him the "C" and the "T." Troubling as that was, nothing could have prepared them for the odd qualifier that Daniel stipulated in order for Tad to inherit the Collins fortune. Young Tad was to perfect, by his Twenty First birthday, the ability to perform Johann Sebastian Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor... on bongo drums.

Upon hearing all of the strange terms of the Will, Edith Collins, Gabriel's somewhat faithful wife, jumped to her feet and proclaimed that she was going to contest the Will in court because "clearly, no one in their right mind would have chosen those clashing colors in that order."

Next Question:

What was Lamar Trask's nickname during his time at mortuary school? How did he acquire it?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

What was Lamar Trask's nickname during his time at mortuary school? How did he acquire it?

"Woody." No, trust me, you really do not want to know how he came to acquire it.

Next Question:

In 1795, why did the ghost of Jeremiah Collins stalk Angelique?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

In 1795, why did the ghost of Jeremiah Collins stalk Angelique?

He was trying to sell her a subscription to Ghoul's Life Magazine. It wasn't until he picked her up and threw her into a grave on the eve of her wedding that she finally relented and signed up for three hundred years, paid in advance. Lucky for her though, as a practicing witch, she did get the professional rate.

Next Question:

What did Angelique say to Barnabas when he shot her?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

What did Angelique say to Barnabas when he shot her?

"Ouch!"

Next Question:

In 1967, why was there a large television camera clearly visible in the hallway just outside of Maggie Evans' hospital room?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

In 1967, why was there a large television camera clearly visible in the hallway just outside of Maggie Evans' hospital room?

As previously disclosed, here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059978/board/thread/172066761?p=23, Dark Shadows was actually TV's first reality program, cleverly presented as a fictional soap opera, with fake actor credits to deceive the viewers into thinking the characters were not real, and so forth. Occasionally, they slipped up, as when the camera was clearly visible wheeling about the hall outside Maggie's hospital room.

Next Question:

In Parallel Time, many of those in Collinsport were the counterparts of people in our own universe. Although he didn't appear in the storyline, let's assume that Jason McGuire existed in that other world. What was he like? How was he different from our world's Jason?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

In Parallel Time, many of those in Collinsport were the counterparts of people in our own universe. Although he didn't appear in the storyline, let's assume that Jason McGuire existed in that other world. What was he like? How was he different from our world's Jason?

Jason PT was not much different than our Jason. Jason McGuire in PT 1970 was a crooked aluminum siding salesman. He nearly conned Maggie Collins into letting him put Collinwood in aluminum, to be used as a demonstrator model for what he'd hoped would be his next community of pigeons. Angelique, in the guise of her twin sister, Alexis, actually saved the day. She may have hated the second Mrs. Collins, but she wasn't going to allow Collinwood to be turned into a reflective monstrosity. When McGuire and his crew came to do the job, she made Maggie's signature mysteriously disappear from the contract, and turned their truck into a small matchbox toy. Then she went right back to gas lighting Maggie.

Next Question:

Who was the first person Maggie Evans met when she first arrived off the train in Collinsport?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 11 years ago

Who was the first person Maggie Evans met when she first arrived off the train in Collinsport?

Matthew Morgan. Morgan was moonlighting, as he often did when his workday was finished at Collinwood. On that night, he was hanging out at the Collisport train depot, working his other job: selling wigs. As soon as young Miss Winters stepped off the train, Morgan figured he'd found his next sucker. He showed her his catalog of wigs, and conned her into buying two of them for the "special low price" of thirty nine dollars. She was to receive her wigs within a week.

Upon leaving the station, she walked to the Collinsport Inn. Inside, she went to the Coffee Shop, and met chatty waitress, Maggie Evans. Vicky was aghast... there, on top of Maggie's head was the most awful looking mess of a wig one would ever not want to be seen wearing. Vicky, fearing the worst, asked her where she'd gotten it. "Oh, from Stinky (Matthew) Morgan. He's the best." Realizing that Morgan's catalog had been deceptive in describing the wigs as "natural looking hair", she determined that they were in fact made of rat hair, and she needed to cancel her order, asap.

As luck would have it, upon her arrival at Collinwood, she ran into Morgan. Morgan was quite upset when Vicky cancelled her order, and later kidnapped her in retaliation.

Next Question:

Why was Roger Collins so concerned that Sam Evans remain silent following the return of Burke Devlin to Collinsport?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Why was Roger Collins so concerned that Sam Evans remain silent following the return of Burke Devlin to Collinsport?

Upon learning that Devlin was back in town, Roger Collins was panicked that Evans would reveal their secret deal, a deal made behind Burke's back many years before. Roger had paid Sam, in advance, to help him cheat Burke. When the time came, Sam, as agreed, took a dive and sold Roger the properties he needed (at lowball prices) to complete monopolies on prime color groups. He even sold Roger the coveted Get Out Of Jail Free card, resulting in Burke losing several turns at a key point in the game... And, which enabled Roger to land on properties Burke had his eye on.

Suspecting a betrayal, Burke swore revenge. He returned to Collinsport in 1966 with the intention of beating the Collins family at a real-life game of Monopoly. Meeting Collins Governess, Victoria Winters, and befriending Roger's *cough* son *cough*, rather softened his resolve. He settled for forcing Sam to admit the conspiracy, in Roger's presence.

Next Question:

Just who really was that mysterious man who asked to speak with "Mister Jonathan" when Mrs. Johnson opened the front doors the day Elizabeth Stoddard was thought to be deceased? What's the real story behind his cryptic request?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Just who really was that mysterious man who asked to speak with "Mister Jonathan" when Mrs. Johnson opened the front doors the day Elizabeth Stoddard was thought to be deceased? What's the real story behind his cryptic request?

As was previously revealed, here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059978/board/thread/172066761?p=23, Dark Shadows was actually a reality program cleverly disguised as a fictional soap opera. The "actors" were actual townspeople, just going about their everyday lives, and appearing on the program using fake stage names in the end credits.

Occasionally, one of the townspeople would be ill, or otherwise unavailable, and it would be necessary for Curtis and company to hire an actual actor to portray that person's role for the day. The episode in question was one such instance. The actor who'd been hired for the day to portray the town undertaker (the real one being unavailable due to him being out of town to rescue his daughter from a cult that worshiped heads of lettuce), became confused about the whole situation and accidentally referred to real-life vampire, Barnabas Collins, by his phony "actor" name of "Jonathan".

In order to maintain the cover story of Dark Shadows being merely a fictional program, producers scrambled to do damage control. First, more microphone shadows and production personnel visible on camera "bloopers" were implemented in order to remind viewers that this was all fake. Second, Barnabas Collins was sent on several weekend public appearances for the next couple of months, in order to pretend to be an actor. He hated it. Those hotel coffins were so uncomfortable, and more than once, he was mistakenly booked at a Days Inn.

Next Question:

We never heard much out of the bartender at the Blue Whale... What was his real story anyway?

reply

[–] Venus-25 10 years ago

Question:

We never heard much out of the bartender at the Blue Whale... What was his real story anyway?

A: He's taking notes for a series of tell-all books that will be disguised as horror novels.

Next Question:

What is Beth Chavez' backstory?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What is Beth Chavez' backstory?

Beth was a former revolutionary political figure from South America. Judith Collins was unaware of this when she hired Beth over the phone. The family was desperate to find a new maid, as the last one had left without giving notice. Actually, she'd run out of the house screaming (one can tolerate only so many of Carl's jokes). Beth seemed the perfect choice at the time.

Judith adored Beth, until she caught her trying to organize the fish gutters to take over the cannery. Suddenly it made sense... The portrait over Beth's bed wasn't her father, as Judith had assumed, it was none other than Karl Marx. Judith suspected there was a wolf in the household, and now she was sure of it.

Next Question:

Just what were these "certain impurities" that Doctor Woodard observed in Maggie's blood samples?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Just what were these "certain impurities" that Doctor Woodard observed in Maggie's blood samples?

When the Doctor looked at the slides under his microscope he was shocked to see these porous, dark colored nodules and a fluffy, white foam substance. Actually, it was nothing. Dave Woodard was a fine physician, but a sloppy scientist. He had a habit of eating Hostess chocolate cupcakes while working in his lab. Barnabas Collins was kind enough to give him some clean slides the next time he came to visit his Sex Addicts Anonymous sponsee, Willie Loomis, at the Old House.

Next Question:

In 1897, Reverend Trask blackmailed Collins family attorney, Evan Hanley. Trask threatened that if Hanley did not help him with his dastardly plot, he would expose him as a practitioner of black magic. What was it that Trask demanded Hanley do for him? What was Trask trying to accomplish, anyway?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

In 1897, Reverend Trask blackmailed Collins family attorney, Evan Hanley. Trask threatened that if Hanley did not help him with his dastardly plot, he would expose him as a practitioner of black magic. What was it that Trask demanded Hanley do for him? What was Trask trying to accomplish, anyway?

Trask wanted Evan to hypnotize Tim Shaw into getting Trask's wife, Minerva, to play poker with him. By doing so, Trask hoped that Minerva would resume her past gambling addiction, so he could send her away to a quack religious clinic run by his fellow fraudsters, Doctor Tarr and Professor Feather. With Minerva out of the way and discredited, Trask would then be able to carry on with his strange and illicit affair with her prized Boston fern. Trask was not at all well.

Next Question:

What happened when David and Amy decided to build their own racer, and began practicing for the local Soap Box Derby?

reply

[–] Venus-25 10 years ago

It became possessed by Laura, causing David to scratch his head and ask "My mother, the car?"

Next Question:

Why did Charles Deleware Tate steal Quentin's portrait?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] nlfan-1 10 years ago

Charles wanted to jealously gaze at Quentin's mutton chops for all eternity.

Next Query:

Where did Adam go after he fled Collinsport?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Where did Adam go after he fled Collinsport?

One answer to that mystery, previously stated here, explains it thusly:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059978/board/thread/172066761?p=23

However, there is an alternative rumor that as Adam was sitting in the dark spare room at Professor Stokes' house - contemplating why we park in driveways yet drive on parkways - he was overcome by the uncontrollable urge to fulfill his dream of becoming a standup comedian.

Certain that Stokes would drone on for at least another hour, impressing whomever it was that had come to his door, Adam unlocked the lone window in the room and made his escape. Convinced that Liz Stoddard's index cards, containing the jokes she'd used in her previous failed attempt to become a comedian were his key to success, Adam set out to conquer the nightclub circuit. Since finding Liz's cards in the attic room at Collinwood, in which he'd been hidden some weeks before, Adam had memorized and practiced all of them.

Unfortunately for Adam, he indeed had mastered all of Liz's jokes... Even the infamous "Volkswagen Ashtray" bomb that had so suddenly sank her (that joke courtesy of her brother, who never did walk straight after she arrived home later that fateful evening). Adam, who'd mastered language, mathematics, philosophy and science, had failed to learn history. Given that, he was thoroughly bewildered when his first and only engagement ended abruptly with dozens of nightclub patrons chasing him through the streets of Boston with lit torches.

This alternate rumor, never verified, further states that Adam ended up on The Island of Misfit Toys, where he supposedly remains to this day. King Moonracer permitted him to stay since technically, he was constructed out of used parts. Some have even speculated that Adam and Susie the Doll are best of friends, with Adam providing assertiveness training to her, due to his own learning of same from Nicholas Blair. One version of the tale goes on to claim that as a result of this, Susie is longer the emotionally crippled crybaby she was before, but is now the island bully, extorting cigarettes and "favors" from all newly arrived toys.

Next Question:

So, whatever happened to Phillip Todd after the whole Leviathan Plot went kaput and Megan went batty?

reply

[–] moosefeathers 10 years ago

After faking his death in Collinsport, he quickly left the tiny town and moved out to a city called Sprinfield...and was never heard from again.

Next question:

"They say she has powers, that Mahgda..." Timothy Shaw is quoted as saying....what powers is he talking about....?

Swing away, Merrill....Merrill, swing away...

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

"They say she has powers, that Mahgda..." Timothy Shaw is quoted as saying....what powers is he talking about....?

No one at Collinwood in 1897 had more "IT" than the fashionable gypsy, Magda Rakosi. Tim Shaw, overworked and underpaid teacher at Reverend Trask's FunTowne School, stumbled upon a secret that Magda had been hiding from everyone in Collinsport.

Magda had recently placed an order through the Sears, Roebuck & Company Catalog, for an ornate wooden box, hoping that it would make a suitable container in which to keep her extortion ledgers and such. Upon receipt of the order, she was pleasantly surprised to discover that the box was not empty, for it contained the long-lost hand of Prince Ruka, a ruthless Czechoslovakian magician, who'd run afoul of a gang of anarchist circus clowns who severed the hand in retaliation for an insult. The hand was said to provide whomever possessed it with the power to grant wishes.

Shaw, out for a walk one evening, happened by the Old House on the Collinwood estate, and just happened to be peering in the Drawing Room window, when he saw Magda with the hand. Tim knocked on the front doors, and when they opened, he immediately informed Magda that he knew all about the magic hand, its legendary power and that she was in possession of it. He threatened to tell the whole town she had stolen it, unless she used it to grant him his wishes. Magda tried to explain that Tim needed to know the full story of the power of the hand before demanding such a thing of her. He would hear none of it, and forced her to agree to meet him at the Collinsport Inn the following evening.

Tim, certain of the great wealth that was soon to come his way, quit his job with Trask the next morning, and checked into the Inn with all his belongings. He awaited the gypsy's arrival.

About Seven that evening, Magda arrived, with the Box. She explained to Tim that the Power of the Hand comes with some very unusual stipulations, and proceeded with the transaction.

"Alright, Mister Shaw... Who your worst enemy?" the gypsy asked.

"My worst enemy? What do you need to know that for?" he replied.

"Just tell me! Who is the one person on all this earth you can't stand the sight of?"

"Well, for certain... That would have to be Trask, that nasty creep who runs FunTowne... But, why..."

"You get three wishes. All three will be granted, no matter what they may be... However..."

"What, however?" The increasingly annoyed former school teacher demanded.

"Whatever you get, the person whose name you have given me as your worst enemy, he get twice as much of that same thing as you get."

"WHAT? THAT'S STUPID!"

"Take it or leave it. That is how the Hand works. What your first wish be, hmm?"

"Okay, okay... I'd like a baseball with an authentic autograph by my favorite player, Ed Delahanty. It'll go great with my collection"

"Done!" She said, as indeed, the baseball magically appeared on the table at which Shaw and Magda were seated. "Now, remember... At this very moment, Reverend Trask has just received two such baseballs."

"That's CRAZY! He's the devil himself. He doesn't deserve anything."

"You agreed to the terms... What you second wish, eh?"

"Well, I've got to afford the lifestyle I'm going to be living from now on, so... I want one million dollars in cash."

"Done." Stacks of genuine US Currency suddenly materialized on the table. "Now, at this moment, Trask just got two million."

"Outrageous! That creep doesn't deserve ten cents. This rule is stupid. I never heard of such a thing."

"You agreed when we started. I take it you do not want you third and final wish?"

"Yes... Alright... So, let me get this straight, whatever I wish for, Trask gets twice as much of it?"

"Correct, whatever it may be."

Shaw paused, thinking how to proceed. The sight of the baseball gave him an idea. He momentarily excused himself, returning to the room soon after.

"Here," he proudly quipped as he handed the gypsy his genuine Ed Delahanty autographed Louisville Slugger bat.

"What this for?" the puzzled Magda asked.

"My third wish... For my third wish, I want you to take this bat and beat me Half to death with it!"

Trask never noticed the two baseballs, nor the two million dollars in cash that mysteriously materialized in the attic room at Collinwood. He was too busy making obscene phone calls on the line that Judith had been so kind to install for him. His new-found hobby came to an abrupt and bloody end when the phantom assassin, Mister Juggins, carried out Tim's third wish upon him.

Next Question:

What happened to Barnabas when he tried to return to the present after his little side-trip to 1795, following his adventures in 1897?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What happened to Barnabas when he tried to return to the present after his little side-trip to 1795, following his adventures in 1897?

Attempting to return to 1969, Barnabas Collins found himself lost in the forest near the Collinwood estate. Having been once again freed of his vampirism, he had limited night vision and he couldn't go batty... He was lost.

Suddenly, in a clearing, he spotted a strange looking little house. Upon approaching it, he saw legs sticking out from under the house, and on the legs were red and white striped stockings and ruby slippers... No, totally making that part up. Anyway, from out of the little house came two strange little men. Each of them were wearing nickers and a funny looking beanie on their head. They were both carrying an oversized piece of candy on a long stick, and both had about a half a can each of chewing tobacco in their right cheeks.

When they approached Barnabas, they introduced themselves as Hazelwood and O'Brien, representatives of the Lollipop Guild. They welcomed Barnabas as their new Leader, and gave him two items: A large, leather-bound book and a wooden box.

"What are these for?" The puzzled recovering vampire inquired of the two vertically challenged men.

"You have been chosen?" O'Brien sharply told him.

"For what?" Barnabas asked.

"You will take these and lead the way for our once great league to regain supremacy in the world," Hazelwood answered.

"Give the contents of the box to two people who can most be of service, and keep the book in your possession," O'Brian added.

Upon leaving the forest and seeing he was safely back at home, Barnabas opened the box. It contained hundreds of lollipops. Upon opening the book, he discovered it was nothing but a running ledger of lollipop sales for the local reform school fundraising club.

The next day, Barnabas took the box to Phillip and Megan Todd at the antique shop in the village. The Todds followed his instructions to the letter, and Barnabas was able to return the empty box and the completed ledger book to the two delinquents in the forest within two weeks. Barnabas completed his mission so thoroughly and quickly due to the threat that O'Brian and Hazelwood had made that night they met in the forest: "Do this, or you have to wear one of these suits!"

The Headmaster at the reform school, Nicholas Blair, was most pleased that his little plot had worked so well. He was relieved as well, for if it had failed, he was going to be transferred back to New Jersey.

Next Question:

Who taught Barnabas how to drive, anyway?

reply

[–] moosefeathers 10 years ago

In fact....it was actually David, put under a spell by Barnabas. Unfortunatly, Barnabas wanted to joy ride in Julia's car. He just took full advantage of Julia.

New Question

Was it ever proven that Paul Stoddard was Carolyn's father...or was it.....JASON MacGUIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????? or was it neither of them, but maybe an incestor....which would explain alot of things? BUT, what?

Swing away, Merrill....Merrill, swing away...

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Was it ever proven that Paul Stoddard was Carolyn's father...or was it.....JASON MacGUIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????? or was it neither of them, but maybe an incestor....which would explain alot of things? BUT, what?

Carolyn and David were not really cousins, they were half-siblings. Liz would have been in big trouble if anyone ever found out she had a child by her younger brother's underage then best friend.

"Paul" Stoddard was actually Liz's good friend from her boarding school days in Pennsylvania. Paula Stoddard agreed to help her friend by going undercover in drag and marrying her to deflect any and all questions about the child Liz was carrying. It was actually Liz and Paula who devised the murder in 1949. The IMF team would have been proud of the way they let Jason think he and Paul were faking Paul's death to scam Liz, when actually, it was Liz and Paula who scammed everyone including Jason. Yes, it cost Liz Jason's share of the money Paula gave him, and Liz paid Paula by letting her steal from her, but the success of the operation was worth it.

When, in 1957, Liz discovered that Laura was with child (a fact unknown to anyone else) she bought a life insurance policy for a man who'd recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Two weeks later, he jumped in front of Roger's car and was killed. Knowing that her total creep of a brother wanted Laura for himself and would lie and blame Burke for the accident, and was in all likelihood sterile due to his childhood illnesses, she ensured the unquestioned continuance of the Collins line and the further suppression of the truth regarding her own daughter.

Jason, of course, caused quite a problem when he returned to Collinwood in 1967 to blackmail Liz over the events of 1949. He too, was eliminated. His elimination was a carefully designed operation that began by letting Jason's friend, Willie Loomis, accidentally find the cryptic notes that led him to Eagle Hill. Liz, you see, had liked to explore the west wing as child, just like David would do so decades later. Her most treasured find, which she never showed to anyone, was the secret diary of Edith Collins. Liz had kept it safely hidden for over forty years, in the event she ever would need the Family Secret to exercise the Nuclear Option. The collateral damage to the community was carefully considered, but Liz felt she had no other choice in order to confront and eliminate Jason.

The return of David and Carolyn's father was a further annoyance. She'd spent a good sum of money to see that her operatives arranged for his miraculous business success upon his release from prison. It took well over a year, but the right circumstance finally presented itself, when he decided to fly to South America for a business deal. The call from her airline operative, informing her that the plane had been successfully downed, was welcome news indeed.

Next Question:

If Barnabas Collins would have had access to a car in the 1995 arc, who would he have hit with it that time? How and Why?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

If Barnabas Collins would have had access to a car in the 1995 arc, who would he have hit with it that time? How and Why?

A little known fact about old-age vampires (Barnabas Collins of DS, Grandpa of The Munsters, etc...) is that they must wear contact lenses, or they are blind as a DMV Photographer. Upon leaving PT1970 with Julia, Barnabas arrived in 1995, having left his contacts, his jar of pickled bat wings and his Mrs. Beasley doll behind.

In order to make their efforts to resolve the mystery of Collinwood's destruction a bit easier, Julia rented them a car. Stokes was happy to assist both Julia and Barnabas with obtaining the fake licenses and insurance information they'd need in order to obtain the vehicle. Tracking down leads was a snap with the transportation.

Barnabas, too proud to tell Julia he was sans his contacts, insisted on driving on the second evening they were there. They were on their way to Bedford, to go hear the new grunge group Carolyn had been raving about, The Atrocities, when it happened... Barnabas had yet another accident behind the wheel. Barnabas saw a person, whom he thought was Angelique, hitchhiking on the side of the road, and he veered to hit them. Julia grabbed the wheel, but was unable to prevent the person from being hit. Turned out, it wasn't Angelique, nor even a woman at all... it was a Dee Snyder impersonator, on his way to Bedford to emcee the club The Atrocities were scheduled to appear at. The man was uninjured, having received only a few scrapes and minor bruises. He was, in fact, delighted to learn that Barnabas and Julia (who was now insisting on driving) were on their way to the show and offered him a ride... and, even more pleased that the scrapes and bruises actually improved his costume.

Next Question:

What event(s) in his childhood shaped Bruno Hess of PT 1970?

reply

[–] moosefeathers 10 years ago

What event(s) in his childhood shaped Bruno Hess of PT 1970?

It's no secret that his single mother Hannah Hess..(<---hmmmmmm)wanted a girl and that Bruno was a disappointment to his father by wearing his mother's slick pant suits and trips to the beauty parlor with his mother wherein the girls "did his hair up" to occupy him while his mother gossiped and tried to get her looks improved. As it turned out her son made a prettier woman than she did. And the father didn't like this. This is why he left, and it was easy because he wasn't married to Hannah....

As you can see hanging around all those women made him the histrionic man he had become. One minute manhandling women, the next begging and pleading to stay at his friends house because a ghost is after him...and having incestuous feelings for his cousin. Unfortunately, no one knew that Bruno was Hannah's son because after a while, she too became embarrased by him and sent him to a music school far far away.... It was understood when he told Hannah he wanted to return to Collinsport that he not acknowledge the fact that Hannah was his mother. Being the mama's boy that he was he readily agreed.

Also, it's been noted several places in the Collins family history that he was related (on his father's side)to the gypsies Lazlo and Aristede where he gets his penchant for womanly jewelry.

Some do say that Bruno's real surname is Petofi...

NEXT QUESTION:

What was the real relationship between Angelique Stokes and her father and why didn't her father love Alexis as he loved Angelique....?

Swing away, Merrill....Merrill, swing away...

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What was the real relationship between Angelique Stokes and her father and why didn't her father love Alexis as he loved Angelique....?

Timothy Stokes of PT 1970, actually had three daughters: the twins, Angelique and Alexis; and his youngest, Cynthia. Angelique was born six minutes before Alexis, and her father favored her from the beginning. Cynthia spoke with a lisp, so Stokes "adopted" her out at age eleven to some Gypsies in exchange for some potions and severed chipmunk heads to use for his perpetual motionlessness experiments.

Alexis was always jealous of Angelique and her ability to assist Stokes with his experiments (the father and daughter would often spend hours in his locked laboratory, with Angelique crying out "yes, Daddy! Further, Daddy! Yes, Yes, Right there, Daddy!" as she directed what must have been very exacting precision on his part). By age fourteen, Alexis had had enough... She would put a stop to her father's favoritism. Alexis organized a touch football game in the Stokes backyard. The quarterback was a big, stupid hulk, named Adam. For a bucket of KFC, Alexis bribed Adam to drill Angelique right in the face with the football, knocking her to the fake grass, on her butt. Angelique ran inside, shouting "Oh, my nose!" Stokes quickly surmised what had occurred when he looked outside to see a laughing Alexis handing over the chicken to Adam. He too, had had enough.

Stokes cloned Alexis and then sent her to go wait in the spare room in the house. She was never seen again. Her clone, accompanied Stokes and Angelique on their brief attempt at hosting a musical variety show on local television. It Bombed. Seems Stokes was not the great scientist he thought himself to be, as several of Alexis' classmates phoned the station to complain about the obvious "Fake Alexis". Embarrassed by the whole affair, Fake Alexis went to live in Switzerland (which in PT was just one small province within the expansive Austro-Liechtenstein Empire), only returning to Collinwood years later, following the death of Angelique.

Next Question:

Who killed Stella Young? How? Why?

reply

[–] moosefeathers 10 years ago

Who killed Stella Young? How? Why?

Who the hell is Stella Young?

Next Question:

Was there any possibility that Carolyn Stoddard Collins Hawkes was Jason MacGuire's daughter...is there really proof of this?

Swing away, Merrill....Merrill, swing away...

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Was there any possibility that Carolyn Stoddard Collins Hawkes was Jason MacGuire's daughter...is there really proof of this?

No, Jason was actually a woman in drag. Proof? She was best buds with Willie Loomis. Who else but a cross-dressing black woman named Shirley, would be BFF's with Willie?

Liz, of course, was usually too plastered to have even noticed. Other people were usually so offended by "Jason"'s slimy personality to even want to get close enough to notice. Barnabas Collins discovered it only while he and Loomis were carrying "Jason" to the secret room in the mausoleum in order to dispose of "his" body. For the second time in a few months, Willie was confronted by his vampire employer in the secret room, during the middle of the night, demanding "Now, you have some explaining to do."

Next Question:

Willie Loomis once disguised his voice to make a late-night call from a pay phone to Victoria Winters. The call seemed to upset her very much. Why did Willie make the call? What did he say to her?

reply

[–] moosefeathers 10 years ago

Willie Loomis once disguised his voice to make a late-night call from a pay phone to Victoria Winters. The call seemed to upset her very much. Why did Willie make the call? What did he say to her?

He said, and I Quote: I know what it means and I understand....I know what it means and I understand....
I know what it means and I understand....I know what it means and I understand....
I know what it means and I understand....I know what it means and I understand....

Unfortunately, he forgot to drop the LSD in her drink before he called, so in true form, Victoria muttered as she hung up, "I don't understand....what does it mean....?" instead of being totally mind phuqued, as was originally intended.

NEW QUESTION:

What exactly were the specifics of Roger's "business trips" he seemed to be gone more than he was present at Collinwood.

Swing away, Merrill....Merrill, swing away...

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What exactly were the specifics of Roger's "business trips" he seemed to be gone more than he was present at Collinwood.

Unknown to everyone at Collinwood at the time, Roger Collins was leading a double-life. It seems he was a rather prolific secret undercover agent for the FBI or something like that. Although the government has never acknowledged that Roger Collins ever worked for the FBI in any capacity, rumor has it that J. Edgar Hoover mentioned an "R.C., from Maine" several times in his personal, secret journals. Hoover is said to have thought very highly of this R.C. person, referring to him as "a real man's man", and "always ready for action". If this were so, it is odd that it took this super cop nearly a month to track down what had happened to his pen. Believe it or not.

Next Question:

What really was the big secret about the locked room in the basement, and key on the chain around Liz Stoddard's neck?

reply

[–] Venus-25 10 years ago

Next Question:

What really was the big secret about the locked room in the basement, and key on the chain around Liz Stoddard's neck?

Liz hid the allegedly missing family jewels and stockpiled cash in that room against the day when she would leave Collinwood forever.

Next Question:

What was the real nature of the relationship between Reverend Gregory Trask and Dorcas Trilling?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What was the real nature of the relationship between Reverend Gregory Trask and Dorcas Trilling?

Dorcas was Trask's Sponsor for Fern-Fiddlers Anonymous. Note that it was after Dorcas got mauled to death by a lycanthrope, that Gregory sent new bride Judith to the funhouse... Leaving him custody of her beloved plants. Collinwood behind the scenes - always more weird than viewers ever imagined.

Next Question:

Did Doctor Julia Hoffman ever have any previous supernatural patients before Barnabas Collins?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

Did Doctor Julia Hoffman ever have any previous supernatural patients before Barnabas Collins?

Yes. In fact, just a year before Doctor Dave Woodard brought Maggie Evans to Julia Hoffman, Doctor Hoffman had encountered the supernatural in her work.

In 1966, a patient, known in Hoffman's files as "Ralphie" (rumored to have been a man named Paul Langois), was admitted to the institution for treatment of severe insomnia.

Through her early sessions with Ralphie, she determined that his inability to sleep was somewhat psychosomatic, due to his fear of dreaming. Further sessions revealed that this fear may have been caused by some sort of childhood trauma. Julia, the unconventional scientist she was, decided to force Ralphie to confront his dreams. To do this, she used a combination of sedatives and hypnosis in order to induce the deep REM stage of sleep at which dreams would occur.

Julia was successful in achieving her goal of putting Ralphie into REM stage. The experiment was almost halted early on, as one of Julia's lab assistents, Esther Jean, was struck and killed in what the local police determined to be a hit-and-run accident as she was walking to her car just after leaving the lab for the night. Esther Jean had earlier that evening nearly caused the failure of the whole experiment when she tripped, bumping into the patient, and nearly awakening him. Though her death was ruled an auto-pedestrian accident, police were confounded about the partially eaten carrot on the ground next to her crushed body.

The next night, with Ralphie still asleep in the lab, a childhood nemesis of his, Pepe Farkus, is killed. Farkus' massive crushing injuries were quite similar to Esther Jean's... And, another partially eaten carrot lay on the ground beside him. Two more similar killings occur, with both of those victims being people associated with Ralphie. Likewise, more partially eaten carrots were found. Julia became suspicious, and rechecked her notes of what Ralphie had been saying during his dreams. Turns out, it all seemed to involve his Aunt, who insisted that he have to wear clothing she hand-made for him. Ralphie didn't like the clothing, as it was usually more suitable for a younger child... And, more often than not, for a girl.

Julia proceeded to fully investigate Ralphie's past, and went to see one of his childhood associates, a man named Flick. Flick, despite having lost half his tongue in some sort of childhood accident, was able to confirm Ralphie's difficulties with his Aunt. He even confirmed that Ralphie, for many years, had terrible nightmares about a particularly hideous sleeper pajama suit that his Aunt and Mother had forced him to wear one Christmas. Julia was certain this was the key to the mystery, but, just as she was about to end her visit with Flick, an eight-foot tall, pink, deranged Easter Bunny broke into the room. The rabbit picked up Flick, and bear-hugged him to death, right before her eyes. Remembering what Flick had earlier told her about Ralphie's BB gun, Julia picked up Flick's pellet rifle, and shot the Bunny. It died. Upon her return to the lab. Ralphie was dead. He'd been shot in the heart with what appeared to be an air-rifle pellet.

A year later, when severely traumatized Maggie Evans began relating her strange tale, Doctor Julia Hoffman knew she was again going to encounter the supernatural.

Next Question:

What was behind the door that terrified Willie Loomis so much when he had his turn with Cassandra's Dream Curse?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What was behind the door that terrified Willie Loomis so much when he had his turn with Cassandra's Dream Curse?

Having just recently received a letter stating that his fraudulently-obtained Deferment for participation in a Rhodes Scholarship program at Oxford University (friend Jason's handiwork) was being terminated, poor Willie dreamed that he opened the door to see a postal carrier delivering his Draft Card.

Next Question:

What surprising reaction did Julia Hoffman exhibit when meeting Tom Jennings' twin brother, Chris, for the first time while visiting Joe in the hospital.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What surprising reaction did Julia Hoffman exhibit when meeting Tom Jennings' twin brother, Chris, for the first time while visiting Joe in the hospital?

Chris is standing in the shadows of Joe's hospital room, when Julia Hoffman came to sell Joe a carton of cigarettes (one of her collateral duties as a member of the medical staff in a hospital during the 1960's). She starts giving Joe the sales pitch - "This will help with your deep breathing, while also relaxing you" - when Chris stepped forward, into the light.

Seeing the Jennings face she recognized, Julia dropped her cartons of Max Tars to the tile floor. She whipped off the scarf from her neck, and ran toward him. Having then leaped higher than she had since her days as a track star in high school, she straddled herself around him with her legs wrapped around him at the waist. Before he could object, Julia French Kissed the perplexed stranger.

“What are you doing,” he demanded as he pulled his head away.

“Oh, Tom… I thought you were destroyed. It’s okay, Joe’s full of sedatives, he won’t mind,” the unorthodox practitioner replied.

“I’m Chris… I’m Tom’s twin brother.”

“Oh… Of… Course you are.” She released her leg wrap and returned to a standing position.

“I take it you were very close to Tom?”

“Oh… I’d… Seen him around, once or twice.”

Next Question:

What did Victoria Winters find out when she called the foundling home to inquire about how it was that she came to be selected by Roger Collins and Liz Stoddard to be the new Governess at Collinwood?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What did Victoria Winters find out when she called the foundling home to inquire about how it was that she came to be selected by Roger Collins and Liz Stoddard to be the new Governess at Collinwood?

She discovered that the Collins siblings paid the foundling home the sum of ten thousand dollars for a young, attractive brunette... Whom they hoped to marry off to the Lovecraftian thing in the closed off wing of their haunted mansion in order to try and appease the curse under which the family had suffered for nearly two centuries. Even when clearly and concisely spelled out for her, Victoria didn't understand it.

Next Question:

What explanation is there for Sam Evans' sudden transformation in 1966?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What explanation is there for Sam Evans' sudden transformation in 1966?

Tired of the constant harassment by Burke Devlin, Roger Collins and Bill Malloy, Sam sold several of his paintings and went to a private plastic surgery clinic in Montreal. Certain that the annoying trinity would never again recognize him around town, he returned to Collinsport. It didn't work. Sam, never the brightest color on the palette, didn't think to also change his name, place of residence and phone number.

Next Question:

What was the purpose of the big meeting that Bill Malloy insisted Roger, Sam and Burke all attend? Why did he then fail to show up for his own meeting?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What was the purpose of the big meeting that Bill Malloy insisted Roger, Sam and Burke all attend? Why did he then fail to show up for his own meeting?

Malloy wanted to sell the three of them time shares at Salty's Seaside Shacks , but he couldn't find a light bulb for his filmstrip projector, so he went for a swim instead.

Next Question:

What really was the truth behind the sudden, unexplained vanishing of Constable Carter? Why did no one ever speak of it?

reply

[–] Venus-25 10 years ago

What really was the truth behind the sudden, unexplained vanishing of Constable Carter? Why did no one ever speak of it?

Because it had something to do with The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name and the man's family would hear none of it. They sent him away so no one would know.

Next question:

What happened to Charity Trask after Barnabas and Quentin got the hell out of Collinsport in 1897?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

What happened to Charity Trask after Barnabas and Quentin got the hell out of Collinsport in 1897?

First, after all the surreal events of 1897, she took a much needed vacation trip to the UK. While there, she won a sizable fortune in the Irish Sweepstakes.

Upon her return to the US, she bought a modest home in Bangor, and proceeded over the next several years to pursue a number of entrepreneurial and philanthropic interests. Unfortunately, many of them proved unsuccessful for her. Among her failed ideas: the Shelter For Neglected and Abused Pet Rocks and Chia Pets; the Snooze Proof Alarm Clock, which included a set of electrodes that emitted a powerful electrical shock to the genitals of the user at their preselected time; and her most ambitious effort, the Discerning Gaslight, which shined only on things worth looking at.

Next Question:

How was it that Phillip and Megan Todd ended up owning the Antique Shop in Collinsport?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 10 years ago

How was it that Phillip and Megan Todd ended up owning the Antique Shop in Collinsport?

They won the deed to the antique shop as their prize inside a box of Cracker Jacks they'd purchased at an Oberon's Supermarket in Haza, New Jersey.

Next Question:

What ulterior motive did Mrs. Johnson have in taking the Housekeeping job at Collinwood? Who put her up to it, and why?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

What ulterior motive did Mrs. Johnson have in taking the Housekeeping job at Collinwood? Who put her up to it, and why?

The Fish Gutters Union Local #666 at the Collins cannery were certain that Liz Stoddard was planning to move the whole operation to Martinique, and they hired Bill Malloy's former housekeeper to be their mole on the inside of the big house on the hill. She didn't get much useful information about the rumored plant closure plan, but they were quite pleased with film they developed upon Mrs. Johnson's return of the spy camera they'd given her. Carolyn was never the wiser.

Next Question:

Why did experienced Physician, Dr. Woodard, not give either Willie Loomis nor Maggie Evans a transfusion the First time he diagnosed them with a "massive loss of blood?"

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

Why did experienced Physician, Dr. Woodard, not give either Willie Loomis nor Maggie Evans a transfusion the First time he diagnosed them with a "massive loss of blood?"

Dave Woodard actually was not a doctor. He read a few books, and started hanging out at the little hospital in a white coat, and people just assumed he was a licensed physician. It wasn't until watching an episode of Medical Center that he realized a blood transfusion was called for.

Next Question:

Why did Jason break into the Old House after Sheriff Patterson told him to get out of town?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

Why did Jason break into the Old House after Sheriff Patterson told him to get out of town?

Jason was certain that Willie Loomis had stolen the Colonel's Secret Recipe for fried chicken, and wanted a piece of the action. Upon catching Jason in the house, Willie convinced him that he was cooking up a big batch right at that time in the basement. Willie further convinced him that the "coffin" in the basement was a cleverly disguised pressure fryer, and he allowed Jason to open it when timer went off.

After killing Jason, Barnabas and Willie shared quite a laugh when Willie explained to the vampire how Jason had come to open the lid to his doom.

Next Question:

What was Barnabas Collins so afraid of when it became clear that his sister, Sarah, was appearing to various people around Collinsport?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

What was Barnabas Collins so afraid of when it became clear that his sister, Sarah, was appearing to various people around Collinsport?

He was terrified that Sarah would tell everyone how he had poisoned her, then extorted Angelique to use her witchcraft to ensure she'd die we when the poison wasn't immediately lethal.

Next Question:

What did Burke Devlin's investigators turn up about Barnabas Collins when he had them look into his background?

reply

[–] eljaykay1219-310-146082 9 years ago

He was really Bernadette Collins who was born female and was Sarah's mother. Soon after her birth he had a sex change operation because Joshua refused to leave his money to a female. Naomi missed having a daughter so she was compensated by Sarah becoming her daughter.

Next question:

Why did Jenny Collins really go insane.

reply

[–] Venus-25 9 years ago

Next question: Why did Jenny Collins really go insane.

Jenny lost it when Judith made a pass at her, suggesting a threesome with Reverend Trask.

Next question: What happened to Amanda Harris after she left Collinsport in 1897?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

What happened to Amanda Harris after she left Collinsport in 1897?

She moved to Seattle. Unlike Collinsport, it actually rains there. She melted as soon as she stepped off the train.

(By the way, Venus, thanks for bumping up the original thread. Been having computer issues of late).

Next Question:

Prior to his painting career, what was Charles Delaware Tate's first vocation? How did it end?

reply

[–] Venus-25 9 years ago

Can't let that thread disappear!

Next Question:

Prior to his painting career, what was Charles Delaware Tate's first vocation? How did it end?

He tried to become a poet, thinking that it would help him score with the ladies. However, his roommate in Montmartre wrote better French than he did so he couldn't handle the competition. After finding Musetta flirting with Marcello, the painter, he moved into another garret and worked in a tavern until he could buy paint, brushes, and canvas. He struggled for a couple of years until a chance meeting with Count Petofi changed his fate.

Next Question:

What was Quentin's relationship with Laura?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

Can't let that thread disappear!

Indeed. Thank you.

What was Quentin's relationship with Laura?

After losing all his money in a poker game, he took a job as a chimney sweep, and met Laura on the job. Her fire had gone out, he fixed her chimney, and the flames of love were lit.

Next Question:

What was it that kept Willie Loomis out of the really top universities?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

What was it that kept Willie Loomis out of the really top universities?

Willie Loomis had actually been a very intelligent young man, before he met up with Jason. Loomis was recruited by all the top universities due to his incredible gift for physics and chemistry. The world was his oyster, just waiting to be cracked open.

One day, while walking on the pier in Boston, whilst pondering his theory on perpetual motionlessness, he was approached by a fast-talking stranger. The man offered him $200.00 if he'd help with a "small problem". Willie, raised to be helpful when he could, readily agreed, and followed the man to an awaiting ship. Turns out he'd been conscripted into working on a smuggling vessel.

After a few months, Jason, the slick salesman that he was, had convinced Willie to give up his silly aspirations of becoming a famous scientist, and become a career criminal instead. Willie, having been hit a few too many times about the head during rough seas, no longer possessed the intellect to resist the phony allure of Jason's promises. Within a year, all traces of the former Willie Loomis were gone forever.

Next Question:

What were Nathan Forbes' plans for the future if he'd succeeded in getting ahold of Millicent Collins' money?

reply

[–] Venus-25 9 years ago

What were Nathan Forbes' plans for the future if he'd succeeded in getting ahold of Millicent Collins' money?

He was planning to go to Martinique, buy a plantation, and live it up among the conjurers whom he thought would help him enslave the locals. Karma's a bitch, isn't it?

Next question:

What happened to Dorcas Trilling?

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 9 years ago

What happened to Dorcas Trilling?

Poor Dorcas. There was a werewolf roaming the forests surrounding Collinsport in 1897, and many believe that Dorcas Trilling was one of its victims. That is not really the case. What happened to her was much worse.

Dorcas left the Trask Fun Town Playschool one evening and never returned. She was found the next morning, in the woods on the Collinwood estate. Her badly mangled body was barely recognizable. What most people are not aware of, because the information had been suppressed by the authorities, is that Trilling was also nude.

Upon questioning the proprietor of Fun Town, Gregory Trask, it was established that Trilling had left the school that evening after performing in a carnival for the children. She'd been dressed as a peanut. Wanting to smoke a few joints, as was often her practice after working hours, she went outside. Police are unsure exactly what happed, but two days later word got to them that an elephant had escaped from the zoo in Bangor, and been tracked to the Collinsport area. When his handlers caught up to him, Tiny still had pieces of peanut shell colored fabric on his trunk.

The case was quietly closed, and Trilling's Death Certificate sealed by order of the local Judge. The authorities, citing the panic over the werewolf attacks, didn't want the public to be further alarmed by news of Trilling's Death being ruled by the Coroner as "Death by Busted Goober".

Rachel Drummond aroused more than a little suspicion when, after having shown no emotion whatsoever in the immediate time following her coworker's death, she then could not stop laughing during the eulogy. The suspicion, however unfounded, did not bode well for her career in education.

Next Question:

Just what was Amy Jennings' real motivation for encouraging David in exploring the abandoned wing at Collinwood?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 8 years ago

Just what was Amy Jennings' real motivation for encouraging David in exploring the abandoned wing at Collinwood?

She was scouting the place out for the burglary ring she led. They called themselves the Very Annoying, Petite Deplorables. Slappy, Alpo and Dagmar were her main partners in kiddie crime.

Next Question:

In the Collinsport of our universe, Barnabas Collins is intercepted on his way back to the present by the Leviathans, and given the Book and the Naga Box. How did this all go down in the Parallel Universe/Time Collinsport?

reply

[–] WinstonNephron 8 years ago

In the Collinsport of our universe, Barnabas Collins is intercepted on his way back to the present by the Leviathans, and given the Book and the Naga Box. How did this all go down in the Parallel Universe/Time Collinsport?

In the Parallel Time universe, Bramwell Collins, feeling dejected at the perception that no one in the whole world wants him (very astute perception on his part),is wandering through the forest surrounding the Collins Estate, when he hears what sounds like Indonesian tribal music. He follows the sound, and discovers what appears to be a giant wall made of large timbers. The natives take him within their walled village, and introduce him to their leaders, Hazy and Opieron.

Realizing that he is The Chosen One which their sacred texts foretells, Hazy and Opieron have him tied to a pair of pillars outside the walls of the village. They instruct the band to commence playing the drums, and within twenty minutes the ground begins to shake. From out of the forest, a giant girl appears. Bramwell screams as she unties him from the pillars and carries him off into the night. Moments later, she has carried Bramwell to what appear to him to be a gigantic version of Collinwood. She takes him up to the playroom, and places him in a dollhouse. It was there, in that dollhouse, that Bramwell spent the last three years of his life.

For three long years, he endured endless hours of listening to Nora Collins talking... And, talking... And, talking. She never really had a point, she just talked. Truth is Bramwell, driven insane by the mental torture of her endless banality, committed suicide by impaling himself on a needle Nora had left unattended.

With Bramwell dead, it would be necessary for the PT little people to provide Nora with a new playmate. They obliged, with some young woman who wouldn't stop singing. That was the last playmate Nora ever sought from her little people in the forest.

NEXT QUESTION:

In 1795, why did Nathan Forbes make Noah Gifford wear a mask and cape, and carry a silver cane?

reply