Monologue for march 11 1987 Oliver North and Fawn Hall
Carson: After usual uproarious applause." sounds like a riot in here.....i point out, that if i don't get more applause than that God will send me home." audience laughs, Carson sticks out his right hand to quiet them." By the way, I will be hosting Oral Robert farewell special on March 31." Audience claps and johny breaks out laughing ( they took him serious ), he has both hands in his pocket, he looks over to his left, at Doc , looks over at Ed then makes a side ways cutting gesture with his right hand," Noooo, ..ha ha..many top celebrities will be seeing Oral off, including the Pointer sisters, Michael Landon, Emanuel Lewis, were all coming."
Shrugs his shoulders, both hands are in his pocket, he is smiling.
" Anyway, welcome to the show. I'm Johny Carson I'm going to be here for an hour. What are your plans? " puts his right in from of him and does the side ways cutting motion again and says quickly: " you're going to stick around."
Looks over at Doc. " Well, Mr Green Jeans."
camera pans to Doc, who has a usual flamboyant outfit, this time all in Green, Doc opens up his Jacket to reveal everything.in a kind of flashing motion. He quickly covers back up.
Carson: " you come up with them, I am telling you."
Doc. " Isn't this beautiful."
Carson: " Yeah it is."
Doc: " Get this thing fertilized and i'm ready for spring."
Carson: " You're bringing in material too, as well as the outfits." turns back to Audience, both hands in his pocket." Anyway, this is the Tonight Show." Takes his right hand out of his pocket, puts index finger to his chin. " The show that asks the burning question...Will Ronald Reagan be able to save Nancy's Presidency." Both hands in pocket observes the response the joke gets from the audience, as he rocks on his heels, uses right hand to make a ' i don't know how great that joke was gesture...and the audience responds to that by clapping. " If i don't seem really on it..I had a really bad day today..it started off rotten"
Audience stops him by saying " How bad was it."
Johny feigns mock outrage that you would make a joke when he is trying to be serious-type thing.
turns to Ed." You know i hired this new investment firm 6 months ago,"
Ed: " yes."
Johny;" DO WE CHEAT EM AND HOW"
Ed;" Yes."
Johny: " They put all my money into a chain of Sperm banks in Rome."
Johny: " I guess that was the big news story, that the Vatican came out with a position paper, saying they outlawed modern methods of reproduction .." turns to Ed.." I guess that means test tube babies,ummm, surrugate mothers, ummm, I'm confused, I turned on CBS last night and the Pope is saying that the only way you can do it is the natural way, Then i turn on NBC News and the Surgeon general is saying you can't even do that." weak response from the audience has Carson doing his usual milking a bad joke routine, smiling, with both hands in pockets, rocking back and forth, tongue in cheek. Audience responds by beginning to clap..Carson puts out hi hand to stop them. " No No No.......Kind of Tough being a single guys these days, staying home every night with your Fawn Hall HAND PUPPET." Carson put a funny emphasis on the words Hand Puppet, and the audience laughs.
Carson, smiles, then begins to laugh. " hEY, i'm entitled to laugh, I think its funny."
Carson: " But there have been in the last few years...Would you ever thought, that we would have test tube babies and surrogate mothers and experimentation on Embryos ..where are we headed with this...can't you see a little kid right now going to his mother...mom, did the stork bring me or am i High Tech.....and who are you going to send fathers day gift--a Corning dish?" Carson shrugs his shoulders.
Carson: " This Jokes are just to the point where you're not sure if you want to applaud or not. kind of starts off.." johny clapping.." Then you think about it.." throws his hand up in disgust.
Carson: "aww. Now you see another thing that is going on around the country,a lot of people have wide differences of opinion on this, Congress is voting on anew 65 mile per hour speed limit.." audience begins clapping, Carson puts up his finger as to say-yeah but listen to this- " Southern Californians are complaining ......that they don't want to see it reduced to that.".........." they do 65 through Car Washes out here."
Carson: " Have you ever driven out here at 55, and had a Truck...one of those big 18 wheelers behind you? I put a little sign on the back of my Car: This is not a speed bump."
Big response from the audience
Carson: ' cOLONEL NORTH... has kind of disappeared from view...." a few members of the audience applauds enthusiastically .Carson does a double take to look at them.." speaking of bumper stickers, he's a tough cookie..he has a bumper sticker that says: I WONT TELL YOU WHATS ON BOARD."
Carson" I mentioned last night we were trying to book Fawn Hall, for this show..but we're having a little trouble getting her booked..but executive producer Mr Freddie Decorvio great show man that he is..just booked Casper WEINBEGERS secretary BERTHA.'
note: Carson must have loved that name 'Casper Weinberger', a funny name in the monologue was worth its weight in gold.
Also, I bet, the single Carson-really did want to book Fawn Hall -and for other reasons beside the interview.ohhhh baby
Carson; " did i mention last nigh that Fawn Hall ( note:which is also a funny name by the way)was offered 500,000 dollars to appear in penthouse magazine..." Carson has a little twinkle in his eye." sans clothing.....how many of you women would do that for half a million dollars..." a few women in the audience clap, Carson does a double take and zeroes in on them with his eyes and reaches into his pocket." alright." and walks towards the audience. audience laughs. ( note:Carson had no problem in talking about how rich he was , in the early 1980s he signed one of the largest Contracts ever.)
Carson': "and today she was offered to model Camouflage lingerie for the contra catalogue "
in this second monologue i have transcribed, i see another trope of Carson, inserting people with funny sounding names into the monologues . And he also knew that Aliteration--putting words with the same first letters together also worked well with the audience.