Where's Old Soak?

Listen here. If you're reading this, I'd like a word with you.

First off, you're no bourbon drinker. Only Americans make bourbon,
everyone else who tries does so in vain. Bourbon was born in Kentucky
and there it will always remain. Don't cop off by telling me the Brits were
bootlegging it as far back as the 18th Century. We started it and don't
slog me off telling so otherwise. What you drink is Scotch. Pansies drink
Scotch, real men drink bourbon.

So, if you want to have a go, I'll drink you under the table anytime.

While we're at it, give me regards to Ollie, the best friend a bar ever had.
But I'll NEVER forgive him for shaggin' Keith Moon. A right bastard he was.