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All the things I learned from watching High Noon

posted 12 years ago by Unknownian
14 replies | jump to latest

Here is a list of all the things I learned from watching High Noon:

1:When you're in a Church looking for Deputies, the one guy who stands up for you and puts everyone in their place, will stick it up your ass at the end of the meeting.
2: If you're 22, a 10, but unfortunately happen to be a Quaker.......the best you can get is a 53 year old retired Marshall who can't even stand up straight.
3: Don't leave the Barber Shop if you're looking for a friend in Hadleyville.
4: Never take the Winchester rifles hanging in the Gun Rack at the office to a gun fight when you're out numbered 3 to 1. Your 6 gun will cover it.
5: Never take water, food, a suit case, guns or any belongings on your Honeymoon, especially when you're driving your Buckboard out into the middle of the desert and the bad guys are on a train over an hour away from arriving.
6: Even though you're not getting paid for it, you've just married Grace Kelly, the towns people are telling you the bad guys are now 'their' responsibility, and NONE of them would help you if you were to stay, and the new Sheriff is arriving in 24 hours anyway; ......Go back to town and risk your life. It will make sex better later.
7: Even though the whole town has deserted you, don't let the recovering town drunk help you....even though he said he was good with a gun, and is begging you.
8: Look out for a punch to the Jaw, if your Deputy starts saddling a horse for you.
9: When your husband is about to be killed, go see his ex Ho Mistress....she'll tell you what to do, and if not, she will gladly leave on the next train with you.
10: Don't go to the Town Church first on a Sunday morning to find your Deputies. Go to the Saloon where all the friends of the bad guys are still hanging out from the night before.
11: When you run out of bullets in a gun fight, just stare at your enemy; because your Quaker wife will shoot him in the back for you.
12: When you're a bad guy in Hadleyville and are in the middle of a shootout with the Sheriff, be sure and stop at the local Dress Shop, break a window loudly, and grab a woman's hat to tie on your belt. It looks nice.
13: If you are the retired sheriff of Hadleyville, and you and your wife just killed all the bad guys, it only takes three seconds for the entire population of Hadleyville to show up with your buckboard packed neatly with all of your luggage so you can leave town, even though your wife left all the luggage on the Train she decided to jump off of after deserting you.

"Sucks" Rating System:
Very Good= This movie doesn't suck at all
Good= This movie doesn't suck
Fair= This movie kind of sucks
Poor= This movie pretty much sucks
Bad= This movie just plain sucks

This movie just Plain Sucks. Even as a kid, I knew it sucked. It sucks on so many levels, I'd need a gig of space to list them all. However, the "biggest" thing that sucks, is how boring it is, and what a terrible disappointment the ending was. All that drama and town nonsense, and looking at a clock headed for the big showdown, and I've had better showdowns with the neighborhood kids and cap pistols in the 50s, than this piece of crap delivers. P.S. I really like Gary Cooper and love Grace Kelly......but not in this waste of time. You can tell me about all the raves, and all the posts that say how great it is, but a movie is as good as how much you enjoyed it. I enjoyed it as a "Comedy", which it isn't supposed to be.... therefore.. it Just Plain Sucked.

[–] kbarada 12 years ago

You seem to have spent a lot of time on High Noon and have developed some really strong opinions. For a movie that you say "Sucks", how many viewings did it take to arrive at your very detailed conclusions?

Thanks for sharing.

[–] Unknownian 12 years ago

[–] jejozi 11 years ago

I would have guessed 42.......lol

This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.

[–] Sueimpe 12 years ago

I don't agree with your general feeling about this movie. I love it. But I really love your post! Hilarious! And I completely agree with the last 2 items, especially Sheb Wooley and that stupid hat. Wtf? ;-)

Thanks for the laugh. Just don't be dissing Gary Cooper! He's way too hot. Still.

[–] Sueimpe 12 years ago

[–] alydar21 11 years ago

Supreme waste of words.

[–] drd6000 11 years ago

I learned that High Noon still stands up 61 years after it was made, when most movies are forgotten within 61 weeks.

You're right about the luggage though. Her stuff is headed to St. Louis.

[–] Unknownian 11 years ago

I am not disputing the movie's longevity; nor the fact that when you combine good cinematography in B/W, and add in a haunting sound track, put two of Hollywood's best in the lead roles, you don't have to have much of a script to have a cult classic movie as we do here.
However, when folks start talking about the story being great, and the movie being one of the all time greats, it just cracks me up. The script is nonsense, the story flat, and a 2 star out of four star rating would be a gift. This is no 4 star movie.

Still, when ever I find it playing on a Sat channel, I find myself watching it again, and again. I'm sure I will find more things I'll eventually learn from watching High Noon.....:)

[–] bobo-29 11 years ago

Sheb Wooley grabbed the woman's hat because he was preparing to take a woman, any woman, after he killed Kane. It was going to be "a hot time in the old town tonight" to which he grins slyly in the bar. He obviously had sex on his mind from the beginning of the film (1952 subtle messaging) when he sees Grace Kelly at the train station and is checking her out. I don't think it was Kane's wife he had on his mind because he didn't know Kelly was Kane's wife at the train station when he spotted her. The more times I watch High Noon, the more pieces of a jigsaw puzzle are put together that Zinnemann artfully constructed.

[–] Unknownian 11 years ago

And all these years, I thought he was a "cross dresser"......lol.

[–] bradford-1 11 years ago

Came in last night after doing two hours OT at work. Ready to fall on the mattress. Turn on TV looking for Olympics when I hit "Mynetworkmovies" and hear the announcement: "Next, 'High Noon.'" Goodbye mattress and speed skating, hello Hadleyville! Have seen film maybe 20 times and will watch it 20 more times...

"May I bone your kipper, Mademoiselle?"

[–] Unknownian 11 years ago

I suggest you simply buy the DVD, and watch it everyday...:)

[–] jejozi 11 years ago

There can be a knock down, drag out fight in a stable, in between two horses and there isn't a pile of "apples" anywhere to be rolled in or even seen.

This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.

[–] jejozi 11 years ago

The station agent can unload a fully loaded buckboard in 15 seconds.

This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.