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Thngs I learned from watching Dark Passage (spoilers)

posted 12 years ago by zensixties
20 replies | jump to latest

1. If you want a plastic surgeon to make you look like Bogart, just jump in a cab and the cabbie will set it all up for a couple hundred bucks. In a week no scars at all (compare this to the film Seconds).

2. If you have evidence that Agnes Moorehead killed your wife and best friend you shouldn't go to the police. You should go visit her and hope she'll willingly sign a confession and won't jump through the window.

3. If you play the villain in a Bogart film you'll end up as the mother-in-law in Bewitched.

4. If you are by far the world's greatest plastic surgeon, the AMA will still take your license.

5. If you escape from San Quentin, just wait at the side of the road until Lauren Bacall who has been following your case and proclaiming your innocence randomly comes by to pick you up.

6. If an escaped convict beats you up, get the license plate number of the lady who picks him up, trace it, spy on them both, and then confront him with a gun to extort $200,000. Works every time.

7. If you go to a diner at 2AM in San Francisco, don't tell the cook you want the race results for Bay Meadows. It's been closed for a month and a cop will overhear you and based on that attempt to take you in.

8. If there is a countrywide manhunt for you just hop in a bus and go to Peru. Don't worry about borders. Even though you will be a fugitive for the rest of your life your girlfriend will come there to live with you.

Any others?

For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)

[–] viaggio1 12 years ago

Nice work, Zen !

Only thing I could add ---

9. If an old girlfriend comes to visit an apartment where you have spent the night, no need to disguise your voice when you tell her to beat it ---apparently, a locked door will magically transform your voice, so she won't recognize it !

"J'ai l'oeil AMÉRICAIN !"

[–] zensixties 12 years ago

10. The only way to convince your friends that Vincent Parry isn't upstairs is to tell them he stopped by to murder you ;-p

For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)

[–] joeparkson 11 years ago

11. They got some mighty smart guys in San Quentin.

Absurdity: A Statement or belief inconsistent with my opinion.

[–] zensixties 11 years ago

They got some mighty smart guys in San Quentin.

Yes, I don't think they let you in unless your IQ is over 140 (,'-p)

For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)

[–] ago-silverman 11 years ago

12. I you are a cop checking cars at a road block for an escaped prisoner,
don't move that painters tarp covering a man sized lump in the back of a car, you might get paint on your uniform!

in VA

[–] Ethereal-Cloud 11 years ago

13. If you call an(y) auto club and give them a licence plate number, they'll give you a full bio of the car's owner including a credit history and a list of financial assets.

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] nickatnoon61 (52) 9 months ago

LMBO! I thought that was hilarious too! If convicts were really smart, they would NOT have gotten caught!

[–] MsELLERYqueen2 11 years ago

I didn't learn anything from it. It's only a movie.

~~
JimHutton (1934-79) & ElleryQueen

[–] redbrioche 10 years ago

Those records were 78 rpm not 45s.

[–] viaggio1 10 years ago

14- When it comes to mood music, nothing yet compares to a good 1940's 45.

Those records were 78 rpm not 45s.

I dunno.....

In his post, was "In_Theaters_NOW" discussing recordings, or the sounds of a .45 caliber automatic pistol ??

Mood music is SUCH a personal thing !! (LOL)

J'ai l'œil AMÉRICAIN !

[–] mdonln 9 years ago

15. Speaking of music, if a women living alone is playing her phonograph it must mean she's entertaining a gentleman caller. There's no way she could be listening to music alone. There must be some unwritten law and knowing this 'law', Irene still plays her phonograph when Vincent is there.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] jadedbaby 8 years ago

you're a funny man.

[–] disinterested_spectator 8 years ago

9. If you are afraid you will be suspected of pushing a woman out of a window on the umpteenth floor, don’t just nonchalantly get on the elevator as if you are a tenant who knows nothing about what happened. Your best bet is to go down the outside fire escape where you are certain to call attention to yourself.

Oh, wait a minute. I forgot. There was no elevator, only a stairway. (How would like to climb those stairs every day?) So, the only thing to do is go to the roof. When you do so, be sure to leave the door open behind you so people will know.

10. A great way to find a woman to marry is to go to a bus station and tell a woman there who is also alone, except for her children, that you both have being alone in common.

[–] KutWrite (1302) a year ago

Good ones.

The woman at the bus station was the kids' aunt, though.

I thought she was kinda cute.

[–] MrFilmJunkie (899) 4 years ago

11. even with a distinctive voice such as bogart's, a woman who has been obsessed with you, won't recognize your voice.

12. if you step behind a window curtain, you will just break the glass and fall through the window.

13. "i learned some things that even i never knew before".

[–] chilidoggg (14287) 3 years ago

21. Lauren Bacall has a bath towel big enough to cover Bogie's "embarrassment."

[–] chilidoggg (14287) 3 years ago

22. Bogey's pants suit him just fine, he gets a lot of wear out of them for the money.

[–] chilidoggg (14287) 3 years ago

23. Baker hasn't seen pants like Bogey's before... or has he?...