the term 'gaslight'

I'm a man and I've been gaslighted by my NPD ex-fiance.

It's a horrible experience. I found myself, as the relationship went on, apologizing for things that I would never say nor feel but I would do it because I was convinced, well, I MUST HAVE or else she wouldn't be so upset with me. She would say things to me and she would tell me I imagined it or I took the meaning way out of context when I brought it back up to her. It's a very very slow insidious process, bookended by love, adoration, intimacy, flattery, and praise. They give you every reason to WANT to believe them because they seem to give you so much. Believing them means that you still have control, you have the power to change things, to make the situation better, to live the happy life they've let you taste in sweet intervals.

Then of course, you do look crazy to the outside world. They're charmers. They're rational and smart. Meanwhile, at my breaking point (when I woke up), here I was going to Europe with nary idea of where I would even sleep, alone, for seven weeks. Who's the crazy one? Well, the guy on the homeless vacation of course! But it was in that time that I got the perspective and clarity I needed. I realized that my self esteem and sense of reality had been destroyed. I remember talking to her, long distance, and we were talking about the possibility of getting back together and I said "Yes, well, we would need to etch a sketch everything, build a completely new foundation and start from scratch, we can do it" and she said, "Well, I see how in most cases that is exactly the right and healthy thing to do to start a new relationship...however, you have to realize you weren't present for much of our relationship. So things actually were going well, you just weren't yourself, it wasn't your fault, but even you've admitted you don't remember so many things happening that actually happened."

I knew then that things were doomed. When I returned from Europe, with the resolve that she did have personality disorder(s), she tried to sympathetically tell me that I might have multiple personality disorder. That she looked it up and one of the symptoms is missing large blocks of time, which is what would explain me "forgetting" all the times I was terrible to her. But oh, she was so nice, willing to stand by me and get me help! (sarcasm)

I eventually broke away, but it took sleeping on the streets of an entirely different continent to take the power back. I know another man, my senior in age, and he was married to one for 25 years. He recently escaped and had to do lots of alternative therapy to help him get past his post traumatic stress disorder.

Statistically, women are more likely to have the personality disorder (Borderline, which holds hands with Narcissism) that is associated with gaslighting. It sounds obvious, looks obvious when watching this film, to escape but it isn't. They will treat you like a king or queen, then slowly back away, confusing you, and watch as you scramble to please them again. They speak with smiles and sophistication. They're cunning. They play on your greatest desires and your greatest fears. Be careful.

An early sign that you are involved with one is if you become caught up in a whirlwind Hollywood romance. If you find yourself more loved and appreciated than you could ever imagine. Tread carefully. There's lots of them out there.