Jesus............

That joke is so old, it actually did come from his time.

Here’s another one:

Jesus is up on the cross in front of a mass of people and Roman guards when he suddenly cries out: “Peter! Peter!”. Hearing him, Peter shoves his way through the crowd toward the front, but the guards stop him and cut off one of his legs and drag him to the back of the mob and toss him in a ditch. Once again, Jesus yells out “Peter! Peter!”. Peter hears, picks himself up and replies “I’m coming, Jesus!” as he hops forward towards the cross. Once again, the guards stop him and cut off his other leg before dragging him to the back of the crowd again. This is repeated two more times, with each resulting in an arm being cut off. Finally, as Peter is lying limbless in the ditch, Jesus calls out again “Peter! Peter!”, and Peter slowly begins to drag himself by his chin towards the cross. Seeing this, the Roman guards take pity on him and allow Peter to make his way to front until he is directly before Jesus. “I’m here. What is it, my Messiah?” Jesus looks down from his perch and says “Peter! I can see your house from up here!”