https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/rachel-bilson-weird-40-year-old-single-men-4-sex-partners
She's clearly clueless as men don't have easy access to sex while Women are the gatekeepers who control it as a commodity. He could have gotten married young. Or in my case dealt with Trauma that lead to social anxiety around women. We are so fucked.
It requires context, but I think these things can be a double edged sword. By 40 most people have kids marriages etc. The ideal when dating is to find someone with the least amount of baggage, but even when you find them you question it. I would say the same thing about a 40 year old woman that has no kids and has never been married. That’s what I’m looking for, but then what is wrong with her? Why has she never been married or had kids. Is she crazy etc etc.
shareI'm 41 never married and don't have any kids. I've only had one relationship that happened by accident. I fully expect women to look at me as if there's something wrong with me and I'm fiercely protective of myself because of it.
shareYeah there are lots of reasons both men and women might have had four partners or less by age 40. Really just an ignorant statement. I find it more odd that she didn't orgasm until she hit 38.
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She includes caveats about her "judgment," including, "But it all depends...Maybe he’s been in… decade [-long] relationships, totally respectable." If a dude has never been married, or in a serious long-term relationship and has fewer than four partners, well, that IS unusual (and "weird" is just a more unpleasant word for "unusual"). However, it's becoming more typical as the United States begins to resemble Japan -- with a hefty dose of pseudo-polygamy/hookup culture. It might not be all that unusual for today's cohort of teenagers to have fewer than four partners by 40 (especially men).
As for her "clueless[ness]." With evaporating cultural norms, men can have sex with as many women as they want. She knows men like to have sex, so why does a dude only have four partners? Either he can't have more, which is suggestive of traits she will not find attractive, or he doesn't want to, which IS weird. Oscar Wilde said something to the effect, "Chastity is the greatest form of perversion."
Men cannot have sex as free as women can. They are the gatekeepers of sex.
shareI don't dispute that women are the gatekeepers of sex, but women are not primarily interested in sex. They often seek commitment. Some cognitive empathy is in order -- for both sexes. A woman in the bottom 90 percent has many more sexual opportunities than men in the bottom 90th percentile, but a woman in the top 1% is outranked by men in the top 1% (or even the top 5%). In other words, there's a flatter bell curve for males than females, which creates more of a feast or famine environment.
Self-described "femcels" report not finding acceptance in incel communities on the view that these women could easily have sex. Incels claim "femcel" is a misnomer. But I don't think it's all that much different for men, at least in modern-day America. There are lots of lonely, unattractive women in the world that men could have sex with but calculate that the payoff is not worth the effort (where effort is extroversion and rejection).
Sad times we live in where sexual promiscuity is considered normal.
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