He juggled until his hands bled.

Bill Fields—“Uncle Bill” to every top star in Hollywood—is a legend this site will no longer ignore. If you know about him at all, you know he was a comic who often wrote the scripts for his own movies (once using the nom de plume, “A. Pismo Clam”), but he was also the world’s greatest juggler. After running away from home, Fields made his living in show business. He practiced his juggling until his hands bled, eventually mastering the ability to juggle empty cigar boxes with their tops NOT SEALED SHUT, so their center of gravity was constantly shifting. He took a job with a carnival located near a seashore. Fields would swim out and pretend to be drowning. His peril and rescue would always draw a crowd. When returned to land, he’d launch into his act and get the suckers to come pay to see his show.

Like most other great comics, Fields didn’t set out to be one. He started doing patter while juggling. The audiences responded. He went to Hollywood, became a huge star, the ultimate misanthrope. He coined the phrase, “Any man who hates children and dogs can’t be all bad.” He created his own blue lingo, as in “Godfrey Daniel!” and the line, “This is a joint. You can pull anything you want here.”

He was an atheist, but he had the largest private theory library in the world. Cary Grant came to visit Fields on his deathbed. He found him reading The Bible. Grant said, “Uncle Bill! You don’t believe any of that.” Fields replied, “I’m just lookin’ for loopholes.”

Right before he died, he winked.

They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.