He Made His Bones When I Was Going Out With Cheerleaders . . .

Oh, Woe is Moe.
Woe is Moe, Moe Green, that is;
And we shall never see his like again.
That sweaty, incorpulent, weaselly station manager at SCTV.
Named, by Second City on-air news personalities, Floyd Robertson and Earl Camembert, as both a "dupe" and a "stooge," Maurice "Moe" Green was kidnapped and held for ransom by Leutonian terrorists. It was thought that as host of SCTV’s illustrious "Dialing for Dollars" Moe would have beaucoup dollars on hand. Alas, he did not, and the kidnappers sued Moe’s very life for ransom. Initially the ransom was set for several million dollars, but, due to general disinterest from Moe’s family and friends, was reduced over time to the eventual sum totalling a cab ride home for Moe, himself, which, Guy Caballero, owner and president of SCTV, and principal hostage negotiator, bravely refused to pay. Thus, our Moe; brave Moe, remained, and shall remain, incommunicado et quorum pars magna fui, both hitherto and forevermore.

We share our sadness over Mr. Moe’s demise,
Our woe o’er Moe is much and more besides.


—PmCƒ(×)