Male Violence [part domestic violence]

I've never hit a woman, and never will, and I don't say this to signal my virtue; NO MAN should hit a woman, unless in self-defence, and so no man should expect to be praised for doing the bear basic thing. BUT I do say this to illustrate a point/an observation.

As a younger man, I was much more uptight and career-focused, and worried about my image. Although I never hit a woman, I *did* have underlying aggression and anger management issues (ironically, I was also more of a militant feminist than I am today), and although I, thankfully, will never know whether I might have hit a woman back then, I do suspect this: it would have been *more likely* back when I was uptight about what everyone thought of me, and in impressing everyone/having a successful career etc.

Now, having suffered various setbacks, I don't give a shit anymore, and, paradoxically, perhaps, it's made me a nicer, more peaceful person, because I'm more relaxed. I still have anxiety and OCD, and, as you can all tell, I still go on rants, BUT I am no longer a control freak, or a potential control freak.

And *this* is what I think many men who commit DV have in common (more so than even conscious misogyny/a predilection towards violence; and bear in mind that many men who've committed DV hitherto believed themselves to be 'feminists', particularly Hollywood actors etc); they're control-freaks. That uptight need to control every part of their life, and be seen to be perfect, and have everything mapped out and be on top of their careers and their social lives, is what potentially triggers many men to snap and become violent, when things start to fall apart.

But once you've been at rock-bottom, and are finally more relaxed about your place in society, you're no longer preoccupied with image and control, and instead simply focus on the things that matter (i.e. not worrying whether people *think* you are a good person, so much as actually working on *being* one, and also not focusing on things one can't control, and aren't in the grand scheme of things, that important; ultimately, material things and success are not what defines an individual; decency, kindness and treating people well, is what matters!)