Call me selfish, but this is a deal-breaker for me. I only want to raise my own blood. I think this is natural too. Step families seem to have a lot of dysfunction.
shareMany times. As I've gotten older - over 90%. Funny thing - at least two relationships ended when the kids started monopolizing my time. I know that one of the two women was actually jealous. Jealous! People are strange.
shareHow old are you? (if that can be asked)
share55 as of this past January 9th. You?
share40s
shareSo... what's the kernel of your curiosity? ;)
shareNothing in particular. I was curious.
shareI've never had kids. I wanted to be absolutely certain that I was ready. No more broken homes for me. Unfortunately by the time I decided that I was mature and stable... all the women my age had kids (most of them grown up), and the young women who were willing weren't the kind I would even let tie my boots. So here I am, missed my opportunity. Oh well, I reckon the world has plenty of young'ns they would love for me to pay a little attention.
If it's not too personal, do you have kids?
Sorry for the delay.
Nope, I don't. The story is kind of similar, though different. A broken home too, and me promising myself that I'd make it right. A very good friend of mine who collaborated with charity for years told me once that there were two kind of people coming from broken homes: abusers (sadly, the most frequent outcome) and people who try really hard to make it right, sometimes too much. There's no middle point.
In my case, most relationships didn't work very well, and it took me quite a while (a long while) to find the problem. I'm a kind of bohemian character, however, to make it right, I used to take relationships very seriously. That seems contradictory, and every girlfriend interpreted as me being dependent. By the time they realized I wasn't and decided to take the relation seriously, I was burnt out and had moved on emotionally. And rinse and repeat. It was nobody's fault, but as the proverb says, hell is filled with good intentions.
Familiar story. Ah well, like I said - lots of people out there who could appreciate some attention... if I care give anymore.
shareNot even when the woman's a widow?
shareNo thanks.
shareNow that seems rather harsh.
shareIt wouldn't be fair to the kids too. Children generally don't get along with their step parent. That's how a lot of broken homes result.
shareA lot of them do get along. If the father has passed away, I think there's a bigger chance of building a close bond.
I get preferring to raise your own children, but after a certain age your options shrink.
I have, yes.
shareNo, but I would never get into a relationship. I don't like any drama/bullshit.
shareBeing female it would be a different ball of wax for me, but with any relationship, it would depend on the person, the kids, the age of the kids, the relationship with the ex, how long they've been separated, what the custody agreement is...so many things to consider.
As someone who is adopted, it's a little painful to hear comments like "I only want to raise my own blood." Granted that's different from a step family, but just because someone is blood it doesn't mean they don't deserve a family. 🙂
I would not have a problem. Not all step families are dysfunctional.
shareEnough are that I wouldn't sign up to be part of one. In fact, if I ever wanted to make a few bucks by writing a bullshit pop psychology book, I'd write something about "CHILDREN OF FIRST FAMILIES AND HOW THEY SUFFER". Because they do, when the parents remarry and have more children, I swear 90% of the children from the first marriage lose out in some big way.
But then, I loathe children anyway, so the existence of minor children stops things on the spot.