Most Irritating Home Cook

I'm spending too much time watching the food channel now that I'm unemployed, and I have made a decision about The Most Irritating Home Cook of All Time: Giada DeLaurentis.

a. Personal Best Recipes: This is what “I’ do; here is what “I” have created as “my” own recipe. Giada, your recipes are derivative and simple, like so many others on the FoodNetwork, but you don’t give credit where credit is due, and the others do.
b. Authentic Italianspeak: “Mootzarelllllllaa”; “Mascarponay”; okay you speak Italian; you are not impressing me. It’s motsarella - stretchy cheese, and mascarpone - cream cheese. Get a grip on real Italian food with Mario Batali and American pronunciations.
c. Cleavage. In your face, up-front boobage in every show. Not appetizing, not necessary, don’t want to see it. You’re a cook, not a porn star, it’s distracting, and someday when you’re older your girls are going to drop into your Mascarponeee and make a mess. Get a pole.
d. Directions for idiots: Now I’m going to put this ingredient into my bowl; now all I do is add the other ingredients and stir all of them until it is mixed; now I heat up my pan so it gets hot so I can cook something in it. I like to season my food. I like to sift my ingredients so they blend (earth shattering like nobody ever did this before); And thennnnnn, and soooooo, so nowwww – nothing to say filler – can you say thennnn with an Italian flair? Now I’m going to put this in my oven and cook it until it is cooked.
e. Showmanship: Some producer told you to smile a few years ago to get on tv, and now you do it relentlessly. You have too many big teeth for you to smile all the time; call Tom Cruise about this; get a tooth reduction, and then get a breast reduction. Then show me a sauce reduction that I can use. I am inconsolable about this. Boobs and teeth, boobs and teeth.