Dear Jayne. First of all, the trite phrases by rideyourgreenbike properly belong in the wastebasket, so don’t pay any attention to them. Oh, how wonderful it may be always to put the blame at someone else’s door. “The problem is not your friend. The problem is yourself.” – I have had two friends who were schizophrenic, one of them during 32 years, and two semi-friends who were autists of the impulsive variety. I have had no friend nor any acquaintance who suffered from a serious somatic disease and therefore showed a behavior that was not unpleasant to others.
So I am aware that there can be genuine reasons for deeply liking a sick person. But I am also aware that it can be very frustrating that sick person is not willing to compromise.
The following example is most telling. Note! I am perfectly aware that homosexuality is not a disease. Anyway, one of my friends was homosexual. He found a partner, and there was a good project that this could be a life-long monogamous relation. They might even have married. This partner did not know any language exact his native one, and he came from a country in which homosexuals were in no little danger. However, even in the best relations there may be some problems, and the parts may need to talk and find a solution. But the partner did not show any interest in learning Swedish. Hence, after half a year the relation broke down. – The behavior of the partner is so much more surprising, as he had little chance of staying in Sweden without a relation to some people.
People who are blind may be very sensitive about this handicap. The excellent Swedish jazz pianist Reinhold Svensson was blind. He actually has a part in Ingmar Bergman’s “Music in Darkness”, which is about a blind person. But Reinhold Svensson is playing a person with normal sight. Anyway, his friends have told that he showed very negative reactions if they were walking and someone said “there is a chair just in front of you”. He banged into all furniture and doors, but would accept no help.
Another blind piano player could have got a job on the boat between Stockholm and Helsinki – except for the rule that every personnel must be capable of taking care of him- or herself. He said in TV that he was capable to take care of him/herself just as well as any other.
I have chosen these examples because it might be of some importance if your friend had experienced some teasing because of the illness. Is this a circumstance you could find out? And could you find out from other sources than by asking your friend?
I am sorry to say that I cannot help you more. Though there may be some sense in discussing things with a psychologist. But it may not be easy to find a psychologist with the right qualifications. Quite a few would agree with rideyourgreenbike that the error is found in you.
You can easily found out on internet who I am and what are my main areas of research. So I emphasize that all long-term therapy is humbug.
The best kind of help, if there is some, would be to ask a behavior therapist. It does not matter if someone uses the profession name “behavior therapist” or “cognitive behavior therapist”, but there is strong reason to avoid all those with other adjectives, e.g., “dialectic behavior therapy”.
There is some possibility that your friend might agree to learn other social techniques which would be less frustrating to her best friends. This is also a topic to discuss with a behavior therapist.
Friendship is a wonderful thing, and people will usually get close friends only when they are young. I had a friend for 32 years. I had the rare luck of getting another really close friend when I was 61. He died after 10 years. But your friend no doubt knows that she will not live until old age. I know nothing about the later stage of Cystic Fibrosis, but it is possible that she will later need you more than you will need her.
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