MovieChat Forums > Health & Fitness > Am I clinically depressed

Am I clinically depressed

posted 9 years ago by cal_culus3
1 reply | jump to latest

I don't know why I'm posting here. Don't know where else.

there is this edge to the decadence lately. its like I'm in a rut. just cant get out of it. no wait. I'm NOT getting out of it. don't see the point. my life is 30 and its already over. i vaguely remember being active and atleast humorous about stuff. now, i don't even see the cynical point of life. i just cant seem to care. there is no point in being a cynic. i must be a super cynic. someone whos cynical to everything even to being cynical.

I don't hang with friends. do i have friends? do i want friends? when i think about it.. i cant seem to care about the question. my mind is giving the feedback.. ' huh? friends? what? ' this is what my mind says.

everything i start, i stop in the middle. cos somewhere down the line, i start thinking, why am i doing this? and i gradually stop doing that. am i too lazy?????? is it that simple? i must be. but why? when i think about it. i work hard at my work, which i don't want to. don't mind doing any chores or whatever at home. so what is it.

i probably don't work as hard to do what i really want to. that doesn't even compute to my brain right now. its shutdown. I'm typing this. i don't know how.
as always.. tv is the one constant. is it though? i mean, i can go without tv, what would happen if i cut off myself from tv and movies... aah.. I'm already bored of this tangent.

why did i wanna write this? i don't wanna post this. but i will. cos i sabotage my life. and then, i guess i kinda relish the misery. -:

this feeling normally passes. but today.. its still stuck with me. i would block it out, but it just wont let go today.

I'm taking deep sighs every 5 minutes. i see defeat everywhere. and cant seem to care about it. just go on. but am i going on??

I'm standing still. I'm not moving. I'm not even putting up a fight anymore. what the hell am i writing.

pathetic.

[–] chapstick247 9 years ago

First of all you aren't pathetic!! Second of all you need to focus on getting yourself better. I am here for you. Please get help. The biggest obstacle is admitting you have a problem. You have done that. Doctors can help so much. As someone who has a dad that has depression, who destroyed his family and has been on a downward spiral for 2 years, I see what depression can do. He is now on medication and doing so much better. I'm always here for you if you need to talk.