They call me 'Dances With Snapping Turtles'

Sometimes it's a tough job, being a country boy living in the Big City...

Went to a dental appointment today, and as I was sitting in the chair, I looked out the window and saw a snapping turtle in the grass on the far side of the parking lot. It was just sitting there, occasionally extending its neck, then pulling it back in. I think it was catching its breath; it had just climbed a concrete curb that was twice as tall as he was.

Snapping turtles migrate in the Spring/Summer in this part of the Midwest. They have an extremely keen sense of smell, which is how they locate the next body of water. Then they march to it with the determination of a bulldozer, usually going over/under/through whatever obstacles they encounter; they won't go AROUND anything unless they absolutely have to.

I saw one marching across my lawn, once. It was on a direct and perfect South-Southwest bearing from the pond in the pasture Northeast of our house to the pond in the woods Southwest of our house, and he was making time. He stomped through the garden on that perfect compass bearing until he came to the wire fence on the south edge of the garden that we used for cucumbers and other vines. When he came up against the fence, he didn't stop, slow down, or look around. He just shifted to due West until he reached the end of the fence, whereupon he corrected back to his exact original bearing and continued towards the pond.

So I knew this guy had to be on his way to the creek across the busy road, and he would never make it there alive. I had the office crew get me a cardboard box and a broom. While they were finishing my appointment, one of the hygienists went out to get a photo of it, and came back in on the double. The turtle had hissed and snapped and tried to bite the broom.

I thanked her for riling him up, for me.

Laid the box down on the curb, and when I started pushing with the broom handle, he froze up instead of fighting, so I was able to just slide him in. As I said, I think he was worn-out from getting up the curb (which I really would have liked to see him do). Heavy sucker; much heavier than he looked, but he stayed quiet in the box. Carried him across the road and slid him out at the edge of the treeline.

He didn't thank me, but he didn't bite me, either. I think that's as close to the concept of 'gratitude' as a snapping turtle can get. I'll see if I can post the picture the hygienist took of him, later.

I did a Good Deed. So I'm all paid up with my karma until August.

- HOW kin I be so brainless, when I is so smart?