MovieChat Forums > Shop Talk Writers > Showing vs. Telling

Showing vs. Telling

posted 8 years ago by jswans01-1
8 replies | jump to latest

One of the biggest no-no's that get drilled in a budding writer's head is that they should try to show instead of tell. Like most rules of writing, it should be followed except for when it shouldn't. And the time is shouldn't is when the writer feels that it would be better to tell than show. But there is something to it, I think. For example, 'Jill was glad when she saw her husband in the doorway.' Isn't as good as, 'Jill smiled when she saw her husband in the doorway.'
I think the easiest way to get away from telling is to simply use a character's physical reaction rather than to simply state their state of mind. Someone slamming their fists on a table instead of just saying they were angry; instead of saying Sally was dejected about not getting a job, she slumped into bed fully dressed, pulling the covers over her head.

I took one of those Myers Briggs personality tests once and it turns out I'm an INTJ and one of the things people of that personality type are said to like to do is make lists. I don't put a massive amount of stock in those or any personality tests, but that thing about making lists does really apply to me. I have long lists of weak verbs and useless words that I use when editing a finished piece; I just enter words from the list in the FIND function and go about replacing them with stronger, more vivid words when I feel it's appropriate.

I think another good list for a writer to have is words that betray that telling rather than showing might be going on. I just started mine, but it mainly consists of plain emotional words like 'happy' 'glad' 'angry' 'loved' 'hated' and so on. When I enter them in the FIND function, I'll replace them with physical reactions to hopefully make the writing a little more vivid.

Does anyone else think this might be a useful tool? What words would you suggest be added to the 'tell' list? When do writers most often fall into the 'tell' trap besides when describing emotional states, and what are some words that might be a tip off to suggest the writer might consider rephrasing with something more vivid and powerful?

Thanks!

-jswans01

[–] Speed_of_Late 8 years ago

Working with a visual medium, you don't get to say someone's happy or angry, do you? I mean, I'm working on a play at the moment and when my characters feel an emotion, the audience knows it only because they say and do things that show it.

Fiction, of course, is completely different. Mastery of show versus tell comes first, then the sometimes difficult decision of when you should just tell because something isn't important enough, and later when your word count is too high, you still have to figure out what you can skip altogether.

It's amusing when people who don't write seem to think writing isn't work, huh?

SPEED
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans murders out loud.

[–] thebigmouth 8 years ago

Working with a visual medium, you don't get to say someone's happy or angry, do you? I mean, I'm working on a play at the moment and when my characters feel an emotion, the audience knows it only because they say and do things that show it.
Actually... I'm not sure it's quite that simple. There's an overriding pressure in screenplays to be succinct and economical with your prose. I'm not a book author or playwright, but my sense is the pressure isn't quite so acute in those media.

It seems to me that, if the emotion can be portrayed externally by the actor, it's fair game on the page. Obviously, you have to strike a balance between showing and telling, but I don't think it's right to say you can't use words like "happy" or "sad."

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[–] Bioparadoxous 8 years ago

There's a line in the script for Taxi Driver:

"Travis talks to himself in the mirror"

--
There's no such thing as the establishment. Everyone knows that!

[–] jswans01-1 8 years ago

Well, it doesn't have to only be for if it's not important enough or in the interests of saving space.

I sometimes use the 'tell' as a lead in to a bigger show.

Something like:

John was mad. He'd told his daughter, Sarah, several times not to leave her skates on the floor near the front door for him to slip on when he came home, but there they were. He called Sarah and when she arrived, he pointed at her skates. "What's that?"
A ghost flew in Sarah's face, "Oh, sorry daddy. I forgot. My phone rang and---"
John interrupted, "You forgot." It wasn't a question. And even if it was she never could have answered it because before she could process his words or understand the flat, robotic voice he'd said them in, her dad had already pulled his service revolver and had pumped several rounds in her chest.
He walked over and looked down at the bloody, shivering girl laying on the floor beneath him. He looked at her chest and noticed there were two bullet holes where the Hello Kitty eyeballs on the t shirt her mother gave her used to be. If he were trying he wouldn't have come close.
Two perfect holes, like if they made them that way. That was pretty good. True, he hadn't been trying to do it, but he figured 99.9999% if not more of people not trying wouldn't have wound up with that either, right? So there was something there, right? Something special about such a good shot, two good shots at that, that most people, trying or not could never come close to getting.
John figured there must have been.
After all, staring at the holes as he was, he wasn't mad anymore.

-Not the greatest, off the top of the head, but you get the idea. A slim tell for a massive lead in and also a small tell as a lead out. (Writer's pride is making me mention I'd have written this much better in real life; the description would have been more vivid, not so many 'coulds' and other useless words...)

[–] NomadicWriter 8 years ago

Right, I'm jumping in here. Just to clarify, is this intended to be a script sample?

John was mad. He'd told his daughter, Sarah, several times not to leave her skates on the floor near the front door for him to slip on when he came home, but there they were. He called Sarah and when she arrived, he pointed at her skates. "What's that?"
A ghost flew in Sarah's face, "Oh, sorry daddy. I forgot. My phone rang and---"
John interrupted, "You forgot." It wasn't a question. And even if it was she never could have answered it because before she could process his words or understand the flat, robotic voice he'd said them in, her dad had already pulled his service revolver and had pumped several rounds in her chest.
He walked over and looked down at the bloody, shivering girl laying on the floor beneath him. He looked at her chest and noticed there were two bullet holes where the Hello Kitty eyeballs on the t shirt her mother gave her used to be. If he were trying he wouldn't have come close.
Two perfect holes, like if they made them that way. That was pretty good. True, he hadn't been trying to do it, but he figured 99.9999% if not more of people not trying wouldn't have wound up with that either, right? So there was something there, right? Something special about such a good shot, two good shots at that, that most people, trying or not could never come close to getting.
John figured there must have been.
After all, staring at the holes as he was, he wasn't mad anymore.

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[–] jswans01-1 8 years ago

No, it's not a sample of anything. It's an example. I was showing how I sometimes 'tell' (John was mad.) as a lead-in to a bigger tell (mad enough that skates left in front of the door mad him homicidal, and a little bit of a play on words, 'mad' as in angry, 'mad' as insane.)
It's not from a screenplay or anything I'm working on. I just made it up as an example of how to use 'tell' in service of 'show'.

[–] Speed_of_Late 8 years ago

IMO, any good editor would have removed "John was mad" from the text. There's no need to tell the readers something you immediately proceed to show them.

SPEED
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans murders out loud.

[–] jswans01-1 8 years ago

IMO, any good editor would have removed "John was mad"
-Well, it's just an off the cuff, disposable example. An editor would never get the chance to scratch it out because I'd never submit that to anyone. I was going more for a general point. It's like years ago when that girl shot up a school and when the negotiator got her on the phone and asked why she just said, 'I hate Mondays.' I think it would be cool to start a story with 'Jill hated Mondays.' And then show her setting up with her rifle across the street from an elementary school, eying children through the scope as they got off the bus. If I started off a story like that and an editor wanted to change it or cut it, I'd tell them 'no' and if they insisted I'd just say the story wasn't for them.